


the sound of a heart beating

by chattoyant



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Actor!Victor, Alpha Victor Nikiforov, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Child Loss, Drama, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Intersex Omegas, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, Parenthood, Pregnancy, Romance, Sexual Content, Slight supernatural intervention, Stillbirth, Time Travel, graphic description of yuuri's beauty, victor comparing yuuri to the entire universe because he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-05 11:39:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 33,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15862884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chattoyant/pseuds/chattoyant
Summary: Victor Nikiforov had it all.He had all the fame, money and lovers falling to his feet like he was a god to be worshipped.The alpha had the life everyone wanted. He was confident, handsome, talented and charismatic.He had everything one could ever have and yet he had nothing.Victor Nikiforov was happy once.All it took to drive his family and the love of his life away were his poorly-made decisions, leaving him nothing but the shell of a man behind the mask.When he signs up to a mysterious website, Victor wakes up the next day to find himself three years into the past with the love of his life right by his side.





	1. future

Victor Nikiforov had it all.

Fame, money and lovers, both male and female falling at his feet as if he was a god to be worshipped. He was a famous socialite known for his exceptional performances and directions in various films and television shows. Every night, it was invitations upon invitations from the rich and famous, requesting that he grace them with his presence in their lavish parties. The alpha had the life everyone desired. He was confident, handsome, talented and charismatic. Whenever he walked into a room, heads would turn towards him like moths drawn to a flame.

His actions were measured, calm and calculated; every charade he put on nothing but a mask hiding the truth underneath.

Victor Nikiforov had it all.

And yet he felt empty.

Every single day felt drawn out. It was as if time was running progressively slower and slower just to spite him. Every single party felt like an endless cacophony of noise, the ringing in his ears getting louder and louder as his mask only begins to crack. This wasn’t the life he dreamed of.

Viktor used to be happy once.

He fell in love and married the sweetest omega and had two beautiful children together. His life as a independent film director was simple, and yet it was all he ever wanted.

Victor decided to hit it big in the entertainment industry. He moved from directing his own films into starring in them. Yuuri would be there to support him every step of the way until he became the man he currently is. That was, until, he decided to mess everything up one day when he left Yuuri when he needed him the most.

Three years ago, Yuuri had a stillbirth.

Yuuri was inconsolable. Yuuri would lock himself up in his room for days on end crying into the clothes of what could have been their baby boy. The children were confused and worried for their mother just as Victor was.

Victor took every opportunity to comfort his mate, to tell him that everything was alright, and yet Yuuri wouldn’t budge out of it and understandably so. Yuuri would refuse to talk to him or even see him. Out of frustration one day, Victor decided he couldn’t take it anymore and left their home to be free of it all.

He still remembers the look on Yuuri’s face that day vividly.

No longer was the soft, gentle look on his face that Victor fell in love with.

His eyes were cold and steely and betrayed no hint of emotion while his daughters clung to him crying like their life depended on it.

Victor made a mistake. And he’ll be damned if he said he didn’t regret any of it.

A year later, Yuuri files for a divorce and takes custody over the children.

Victor was a bad person and an even worse mate and father. Every now and then, when his thoughts would go astray, he would wonder if the family he left behind is doing well without him—if Yuuri was happy, if his two daughters were raised to be just as beautiful as their mother in his absence.

He wonders if they hate him just as much as he hates himself.

He wonders if Yuuri still thinks about him from time to time just as he thinks of him every single day. When he left Yuuri and their children behind, it was as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, if only for a moment. Victor was free to enjoy his life and do absolutely anything he wanted. However, the relief was short-lived only for the burden on his shoulders to be replaced with an even heavier one.

There was a hole in his heart no amount of money, fame or lovers could ever fill.

Victor brought it upon himself.

Victor sheds bitter tears of regret as he watches his wedding band glow mockingly against the dark.

 

Victor hardly ever considered himself a superstitious man.

After he learned that Santa Claus and the tooth fairy weren’t real at the age of eight, he never believed in anything irrational ever again. Victor, however, can’t help but be drawn at the screen before him.

 _“Contact your angelic medium online and make your dreams come true! Change your fate!”_ the website main menu claims in bold glowing letters against the backdrop of a chorus of angels flying towards a bright ray of light into the sky.

_“Angelic medium Phichit Chulanont will help you reverse your fate!”_

Victor scoffs at the testimonials from so-called satisfied customers at the bottom of the webpage. Victor doesn’t believe in god, much less so angels.

_“For only a fee of $5.99, our angelic medium will commune with the angels for you.”_

Sounds ridiculous. But 5.99 for something like that wouldn’t hurt.

 _“I wish I could be given a chance to make things right with my family again,”_ he types out in the text box in the webpage. As he hits enter, he feels ridiculous for doing something like that. It just goes to show just how desperate he is to make things right when he’d long run out of options the moment he walked out of that door. What’s there to lose? Can’t exactly lose anything else when you’ve already lost everything near and dear to you.

Victor fills out his credit card information and his e-mail address before sending the payment to this so-called angelic medium.

 _“Victor, this is a very real thing. Don’t take this chance for granted,”_ an ominous message pops up into the screen the moment he finishes processing his payment. Victor hardly believes in things like this and yet, he can’t help the chill that runs through his spine. Perhaps it’s wishful thinking but maybe Victor _will_ be given a chance to make things right.

He wants nothing more than to be with his family again.

What is he even doing?

Victor sighs and closes his laptop shut before slipping himself underneath the covers. He turns to the side and reaches his arm out in hopes of finding that familiar warmth.

There was none.

Of course.

 

Victor wakes up to the sound of the alarm blaring loudly against his ears.

“Victor, could you get the alarm?” A familiar voice groans beside him as he feels the other side of the bed shift. Victor wrenches his eyes open against the stark morning light and jolts upright in realization. He look to his right and there he is—Yuuri, still as beautiful as ever.

“Yuuri!” Victor bursts into tears and wraps his arms tightly around him. If this is a dream, then he doesn’t want to ever wake up from it.

“Victor,” Yuuri yawns as he rubs the sleep from his eyes. “Don’t do that so suddenly, you’ll hurt the baby,” he chuckles.

“Baby?” Victor blinks his tears away as he unwraps his arms away from his sleepy Yuuri.

“Yeah, stupid.” When Yuuri laughs, it’s as if an entire chorus of angels have descended upon him. “Do I have to explain the birds and the bees to you?” Yuuri sits up with a bit of difficulty and rests his back against the headboard. Yuuri’s hand settles against his round stomach and begins stroking it fondly.

That’s when it hits him.

Victor is three years into the past.

“When a mommy and daddy love each other very much—“

Yuuri is cut off when Victor cups his face in his hands and pulls him in for a longing yet chaste kiss. Yuuri is real and warm and here. When he pulls away, he runs the pads of his fingers against his face, recognizing every dip and curve to be something he knew by heart.

“It’s really you, Yuuri.” His tears overflow as he feels himself smile genuinely for the first time in years. It’s all so surreal, seeing the person he thought he’d lost right before his very eyes. Victor has been given a chance to finally make things right and this time, he’s not going to let it slip away.

 He pulls Yuuri close and breathes in that sweet vanilla scent as he buries his face against the side of his neck. When Yuuri reaches to run his fingers through his hair, there’s that familiar sense of warmth and gentleness that his life had been missing.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Yuuri asks sweetly in that soft, gentle tone. Yuuri had always been nothing but kind and loving towards him.

“Yeah.” Victor sniffles as rubs his tears away. Yuuri had always been too warm and gentle for far more than he deserves. “I dreamed that I never saw you and our children again.”

“Oh, Victor,” Yuuri croons lovingly as he takes his face in his hands and gives him a peck on the forehead. The look in his eyes are warm and loving and deeper than anything else he could ever begin to fathom. “You know I’d never leave you. I’ll always be right here by your side.”

Victor feels his breath catch in his throat when he realizes that he left himself before any of it could even happen. How did someone as beautiful as Yuuri ever manage to end up with a fuck-up with poor life choices?

“Stay by my side and never leave?”

“Always.”

When Yuuri pulls him in for a kiss, he feels as though the skies have opened up for him.

* * *

 

“Mama, when is Kazuki ever going to come out?” Valentina asks as she runs her little hand against Yuuri’s round stomach.

“He’ll come out soon, don’t you worry,” Yuuri chuckles as he ruffles the little girl’s thick head of silver hair that she got from his father. To Yuuri’s left, little Mirai presses the side of her face against his mother’s tummy. “And when he does, will the two of you promise to be good big sisters to him?”

“Of course, mama!” Mirai giggles cheerfully as she wraps her arms around his middle. “I’m sure the three of us will be best friends!”

“Mama?” Valentina’s eyes are soulful when she looks up to meet her mother’s. “Did it hurt when we came out?”

“Ashley from school’s mom just had a new baby and she said that it hurt a lot.”

“Well…” Yuuri hesitates for a bit, wondering how he should put it. “It did hurt when you came out, Valentina,” he chuckles. “You’re my first child, after all.”

He remembers spending twenty-four hours in labor screaming profanities at Victor when the pain got unbearable.

“Did it hurt when I came out, mama?” Mirai pouts against his tummy.

“It did, but not so much as the first time,” he chuckles softly as he ruffles her head of black hair.

“We’re so sorry, mama…” Valentina mumbles as both of the girls sniffle and begin tearing up. “We’re so sorry…if you hurt a lot because of us...”

“Oh, my beautiful girls,” Yuuri croons as he wraps his arms around both daughters, bringing the two of them close to him to give their little heads a kiss. He wipes both of their tears away and strokes their hair lovingly as his lips curl into a faint, sweet smile. “You worry about your mama too much,” he chuckles.

“Will Kazuki also hurt you too, mama?” Mirai wipes her reddened nose against the hem of her mother’s sweater, but Yuuri doesn’t mind. His heart practically swells with love at the two girls right before him. Fourteen years ago, Yuuri thought he’d never get anywhere in his life.

And yet fouteen years later, Yuuri never would have thought to want to live more. He has a wonderful husband, two beautiful children and another one coming along the way. It was everything he ever dreamed of.

“You know what?” He begins as he looks at both of his children brightly. “The moment I held you in my arms, all the pain went away.”

“Why?” Valentina’s bright brown eyes widen in curiosity.

“Because…” When he cups the side of his daughter’s face, she leans in to the touch. “I was so happy to finally meet you.” He chuckles as he turns towards Mirai to wipe her tears away. “Words couldn’t describe just how happy I was when the two of you were born.”

“Will you be happy too when Kazuki comes out?”

“Of course I will be. Won’t you be happy too to finally see your little brother?”

“Of course I’ll be happy mama!” Mirai raises her voice. “It’s just that…” She looks down at his tummy and presses a hand against it. “What if I won’t do a great job as his big sister?”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Yuuri smiles softly as he presses a little peck against her forehead. “I’m sure if you and Valentina work together, your little brother will surely have a fun future with you.”

The children’s lips curl into cute little smiles as their cheeks turn rosy. “Do you think the two of you can do that for mama?”

“Of course,” both girls say in unison before turning towards each other and giggling. “Anything for mama!” The two of them prop themselves up on their knees and wrap their arms around their mother before giving him a kiss on both cheeks.

“We love you, mama.” They whisper in their soft, angelic voices. When his sweet little daughters giggle, his heart melts and does somersaults inside his chest.

“Oh, the two of you are just too sweet!” Yuuri draws both girls tightly towards his chest before smothering their faces with kisses to last them a lifetime. “Having you both makes me feel like I’m the luckiest mama in the world!”

“Did I miss something?” Victor walks through the front door with bags of groceries in his arms. “Sounds like you were having a lot of fun without me.”

“You just did,” Yuuri chuckles as his cheeks turn rosy, steadying himself a bit as he hoists himself off the couch.

“Papa!” Both girls hop off the couch and run towards their father and cling to his legs. “Did you bring something for us?”

“Check my coat pockets.” Mirai and Valentina stick their grabby little hands into his pockets. When they each pull a doll out, the girls go wild.

“Thanks, papa!” Valentina hugs the doll fondly while Mirai cradles it in her arms like a baby. “Mirai and I will go play now!” The two girls run off excitedly to the backyard to play with their new toys.

“Oh, Victor,” Yuuri laughs as he takes a grocery bag from Victor. “You didn’t have to skip work today just to buy groceries, you know.” He sets the bag on the table and takes out its contents.

“I didn’t want to tire you out with all that walking, after all.” Victor places his bags on the table before helping Yuuri sort stuff out.

Yuuri chuckles and rolls his eyes. “Victor, I gave birth to two kids.” He places his hands on his waist to make a point. “I’m perfectly capable of doing the groceries.”

“But Yuuri—“ Victor protests, but it stopped by a finger to his lips.

“Yakov has been calling me constantly telling me that you need to quit skipping work a lot!” he scolds him.

“But Yuuri, I just want to take care of you,” Victor’s shoulders deflate as he lets out a defeated sigh. “You’ve already done so much as a mother so it’s the least I can do for you.”

“Oh, Victor,” Yuuri’s eyes soften at his concern. “Is this what this is all about?” His lips curl into a gentle smile as he cradles his cheek tenderly.

“Yeah. I figured that I spent a lot of time at work before so…I wanted to make it up to you.” His smile is goofy as he leans into his touch.

“That’s so sweet of you, Victor.” Yuuri’s cheeks glow pink as he giggles. “Usually you’d work overtime and arrive home when everyone’s already asleep.” He wraps his arms around his neck as he sways the both of them from side to side. “So I guess this is a welcome change.”

“So you’ll let me spoil you for as much as I want?” Victor’s eyes immediately brighten in delight. If there was one thing that made Victor happy, it was being overly extra when it came to Yuuri.

“Fine.” Victor’s lips curl into that familiar heart-shaped smile. “But on one condition.”

“Anything!”

“Promise me that you’ll balance work with taking care of me?” As much as Yuuri loved the thought of Victor taking care of him, he didn’t love the thought of getting in the way of his work at all.

“Alright.” Victor smiles... “At least now I’ll look forward to going home so I can take care of you every time I go to work,” he laughs brightly. Victor pulls Yuuri close, but his stomach gets in the way.

“It’s going to take a while until I can hug you properly, isn’t it?”

“It may be sooner than you think.” Yuuri giggles as he takes his hand and places it on his tummy. Or as Yuuri liked to call it, his ever-growing collection of stretch marks.

Victor runs his hand against the round bump with a tender fondness in his eyes. “I can’t wait to meet our new baby.”

“Me too.” Yuuri places his hand over his tummy fondly, his love for his unborn child only growing stronger as the days go by. In just the span of a few weeks, Victor and Yuuri will welcome a new addition to the family.

“When Kazuki comes out, it will be just like Mirai and Valentina all over again,” Yuuri laughs. “Because _somebody_ wouldn’t get up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby,” he nudges Victor with his elbow.

“My bad.” Victor gets on his knees before Yuuri and gives his stomach a little pat. “Kazuki, be a good boy and don’t give your mama too much trouble, alright?” Victor presses a kiss against his tummy.

“With you sleeping through his crying, it’d be like I have two new babies instead of one,” Yuuri says in jest.

And as if in agreement, the baby kicks Victor against the face.

* * *

 

When Victor drives Yuuri to the doctor’s for an appointment, he receives an ominous text message.

 

_Phichit Chulanont: Things are only going to get rougher, Victor. Don’t let this chance slip away._

Victor feels a chill run up his spine.

How Phichit managed to send him a message three years into the past, he will never know.

It had been a month since he signed up to that mysterious website and traveled three years into the past.

It felt so surreal, reliving the exact moments he lived through three years ago. It was as if everything bad that had happened before was nothing but a long nightmare he finally woke up from.

Suppressing a shiver, Victor puts his phone away in his pocket. He can’t help but feel watched.

“Victor, is everything alright?” To his right, Yuuri’s brows are drawn together in concern.

“Yeah,” he waves the matter off to the back of his mind. “Just something from work.”

A thought lingers in Victor’s mind.

 

“Katsuki-Nikiforov?” The doctor sticks her head out of the door.

“Ah, that’s me.” Yuuri steadies himself with a hand on his stomach as Victor helps him up from the bench in the reception area.

“Have there been any problems with you so far?” Yuuko Nishigori, the doctor, always radiated a sense of calm around her whenever they visited. When Yuuko presses the end of the stethoscope against Yuuri’s stomach, a subtle vanilla scent wafts through the air. Yuuri always tended to relax around other omegas.

“Oh, none so far.” Yuuri smiles as he places his hand atop his stomach when the doctor puts her stethoscope away. “Although, I keep going to the bathroom a lot and having some sleep is proving to be difficult,” he chuckles. Beside him, Victor only wonders what carrying a child in your body would be like.

 _‘Alphas have it easy,’_ Yuuri would often say while rushing off to the bathroom for the thirteenth time in a night.

“Well, you’re already thirty-six weeks along, after all,” Yuuko giggles knowingly. “Every baby is always hard work.”

 _‘Especially when you’re carrying three at a time,’_ Victor thinks to himself as he looks at a framed picture of her triplet daughters on her desk.

“That’s true,” Yuuri laughs. “Alphas have it easy.” He nudges Victor with the side of his elbow as he side-eyes him.

“I’ll have you know that alphas also have it hard,” Victor speaks from experience. It was hard dealing with a pregnant omega and his constant mood swings. On one occasion, Yuuri would be sweet and cuddly one time and cranky and grumpy in the next. There was the matter of weird food cravings, too. Strawberries with soy sauce was a food combination his tastebuds couldn’t get into terms with.

“I beg to differ,” Yuuri snorts. “I’m always the one who wakes up when the baby cries in the middle of the night.”

“Ah, that’s no good,” Yuuko chuckles in agreement. “The two of you made this child and it’s only good if the both of you take care of him, don’t you think so?”

Yuuri gives Victor a smug look.

“Well, I promised him that I’d wake up with him when the baby needs anything.” Victor smiles faintly. When he takes Yuuri’s hand gently in his, he smiles back at him. “It’s only fair that I do my part as a father, right?”

“Right!” Yuuko nods cheerfully. “Even after giving birth, an omega’s work is never done!” She points a finger in the air. “It makes things little easier when our alphas are around to help.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Yuuri’s cheeks turn a soft, rosy glow as his lips curl into the sweetest of smiles. How had Victor been stupid enough to leave something like this behind?

“Let’s work together in raising Kazuki, alright?”

When Victor feels something warm and electric prickle through their bond, his heart melts into a gooey puddle.

“Of course, my love.” Victor’s hand settles on top of Yuuri’s as he presses a kiss against his lips. But when he pulls away, a sense of unease washes over him.

“Victor?” Yuuri must have felt it through their bond. “Are you alright?”

“Is something the matter?” Yuuko asks.

“Ah, no, no,” Victor waves off with a chuckle.

 “I’m excited and yet I’m nervous at the same time about raising Kazuki.” His smile doesn’t quite reaches his eyes.

“Victor, it’s alright,” Yuuri’s voice is soothing as he rubs his hand gently, but it does little to ease the prickling in his nerves. “I’m just as nervous as you are. But if we’re together, I know we’ll do just fine.”

“You’re right.” Victor breathes out a sigh. “It’s just all so surreal.” He looks at Yuuri’s ever-growing bump fondly while stroking it gently. “Seeing another child come into the world and raising them to become their own person…it’s something I can’t get quite used to.”

“I get what you mean,” Yuuri’s eyes radiate a sense of warmth and protectiveness as he pats his tummy. “They may have come into this world because of us but in the end, they will always be their own person. They’ll make their own choices, forge their own paths and shape their own futures.”

“That, I think, is what makes it so surreal to be a parent.” Yuuri smiles lovingly.

“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Victor laughs.

“Ah, just look at you two,” Yuuko interrupts with a girlish giggle. “It’s the same with my triplets too. My husband and I may have made their lives possible but in the end, their lives are theirs to control.”

Yuuri smiles and nods in understanding.

Victor’s own mother said the same thing to him when he was little.

_“You may come from me, but your life is yours only to shape.”_

“Anyway, would you two like to see your baby?”

“Ah, yes please,” Yuuri replies with a smile.

When Yuuko places the probe against Yuuri’s stomach, the blurry, static image of a baby shows up on the screen. Kazuki is nestled comfortably inside his mother, his tiny hands curled intro fists against his chest.

“Ah, there he is!” Victor points at the screen. When he turns to look at Yuuri, his eyes are welling up with tears as he stares at the image on the screen.

“I can’t believe that we’ll get to meet Kazuki soon,” Yuuri says tearfully as he smiles at Victor. “I’m so excited.”

“Me too, Yuuri.” The dam in Victor’s eyes break, but for an entirely different reason.

When images of a screaming Yuuri clutching the body of his unmoving child flash through his mind, he swallows back a whimper.

Victor was given the chance to make things right with his family. He urges himself to stay positive. He’s on the right track. Maybe he can do something about it. Surely, things might be different this time.

 _“Or maybe they won’t be,”_ his mind whispers to him.

When he looks at the image of his son sleeping peacefully on the screen, his heart fills with a profound sense of sadness.

When they head back home from the doctor’s appointment, Victor pushes all the ugly thoughts to the back of his mind where he can’t reach them.

The text message from a while ago lingers like a phantom inside his mind.

 

 

“Yuuri, look what I bought!” When Victor waltzes into the room with his stomach as big as his, Yuuri looks at him as if he’d grown two heads.

“I figured that as your husband, I should at least experience a little bit of what it’s like to be pregnant!” He pats his stomach proudly. “So I bought this fake stomach from a friend!” 

“Now you won’t have to feel alone through this entire thing!” Victor declares as he puts his hands on his waist. “I’ve only had this thing on for an hour and my back is already starting to feel it.”

“Not so easy now, is it?” Yuuri laughs as he walks towards Victor and gives his pretend tummy a pat.

“I don’t know how you do it, Yuuri.” Victor huffs. “Omegas truly amaze me.”

“Oh, I manage,” Yuuri bats his lashes at him coyly as he loops his arm with his. “Especially when the process of making babies is a lot of fun.” When Yuuri throws a wink his way, Victor loses it.

“Oh, Yuuri, you tease,” Victor chuckles. Somehow, he can’t get the image of him making love to Yuuri out of his mind. “Don’t make me do things to you.”

“What things, Mr. Nikiforov-Katsuki?” Yuuri’s lips spread into a slow, mischievous smirk.

“Yeah, what things, papa?” Valentina pops her head into the scene with a melting ice cream cone in her hand.

“W-What your mother means is—“ Victor chuckles and wills the redness in his face to go down. “What mama means is that he wants to do fun things in the amusement park this Sunday!”

“Really?! We’re going this Sunday?!” Valentina bounces on her feet excitedly.

“Of course,” Yuuri smiles at his daughter faintly. “Papa doesn’t have work on Sunday, so he wants to spend time by taking everyone to the amusement park.”

“But what about you, mama? You can’t get on the fun rides because of your tummy.” Valentina turns towards Victor. “And what happened to papa? Does he have a baby too?”

“Ah, I bought a fake stomach to see how it feels like to carry a baby.” Victor pulls his shirt up to reveal a padded semi-circle strapped to his waist. Victor figured that since he helped make the baby, he should at least know how it feels like. “Do you want to give it a name?”

“Hmm…” Valentina places a sticky finger against her chin in thought. “I’ll have to talk with Mirai about it. She’s really good with names!”

“I bet the two of you will come up with something really nice!”

“Yeah! I’ll go to her right now!” Valentina runs off to the backyard, leaving a trail of melted chocolate ice cream on the floor in her wake.

After Mirai and Valentina decide on a name during playtime, they name Victor’s fake stomach Richard.

 

 

“Aren’t you going to take that off?” Yuuri asks as Victor slips underneath the covers beside him.

“Nope.” The moment Victor handed his cash for that fake stomach, he knew he was going to commit to the experience. He wonders what his life could have been if their roles were reversed; if Yuuri was an alpha and if Victor was an omega.

“I have grown attached to Richard.” He strokes his fake stomach slowly.

Yuuri’s shoulders shake as he laughs. “How long are you keeping Richard on?”

“I will take Richard off when you give birth to Kazuki. That way, it’d be like I’m giving birth!” Victor declares happily.

“Well then, Victor, I’ll look forward to that day.” Yuuri giggles as he gives Victor’s fake stomach a little pat.

“Me too!” Victor looks forward to it. He has to. He still clings on to the hope that things might turn out differently this time. And until the day comes that his fears go confirmed or not, he will continue to hold on to that hope.

“Besides, this is just a part of what you’re experiencing after all. I’m sure experiencing the real thing is much difficult.”

“Oh, just the constant ache in my lower back won’t even begin to cover it,” Yuuri laugh-groans as he runs his hand against his stomach. “I have to constantly go to the bathroom because Kazuki keeps pushing against my bladder. Not only that, but my nipples feel really sore,” he sighs.

“I could.” Victor sidles up to him with a big, goofy grin on his face. “Do something about that.”

“W-Well…” Yuuri turns a faint shade of red. “I guess that would be…helpful.”

Victor arms immediately shoot up to wrap around Yuuri as he presses himself against his back. With Richard in the way, he can’t exactly press against him as close as he would like.

When Victor slips his hands underneath his shirt, Yuuri giggles a bit at how his skin tickles when his fingers run against them. His hand cups against a breast, massaging it gently while his right kneads a nipple on the other.

“Feel nice?”

“Much better,” Yuuri moans softly as he visibly relaxes under his touch. Come to think of it, Victor hadn’t really done anything like this for Yuuri in the previous timeline. Being pregnant is hard. Victor is happy to at least provide what little comfort he can give Yuuri while he’s carrying their child.

Although Victor enjoys providing some relief for him, there was _definitely_ nothing sexual in the way that his fingers kneaded against the sore flesh underneath and how he wanted to run his tongue against them.

“V-Victor—“ Yuuri lets out a soft moan when he pinches and tugs on a nipple. “Ah…” His back arches just so when his lips part into a sigh.

Victor is definitely not stinking the place up with his pheromones.

“Yuuri…” he whispers softly as he breathes in the sweet scent of vanilla against his bond mark. His hand slips out from underneath his shirt and settles on the waistband of Yuuri’s pants. “Can I?”

Yuuri huffs softly beside him, his scent morphing into something sweeter and headier as his hooded eyes turn to look at Victor.

 “Yes.” Yuuri whispers back. He places his hand over Victor’s and guides his hand beneath his waistband before stopping just shy of where Yuuri wanted it the most.

Victor can feel it through their bond—all that pent-up desire building inside of the two of them prickling through their nerves like electricity. Victor hadn’t done anything close to this with Yuuri for the past three years in the previous timeline. When nights weren’t spent drowning his sorrows out with alcohol, Victor was making love to another face imagining it was his Yuuri.

Victor’s fingers run in slow, teasing strokes against Yuuri, relishing in the warmth he’d been deprived of for so long.

When Yuuri’s lips part in a moan, he slides his fingers past his folds and move inside him in a careful, unhurried motion.

 The heady scent of vanilla and cinnamon lingers heavy in the air.

When Victor feels Yuuri’s impatience through his bond, he pulls his slick-covered fingers out and presses a kiss against his bond mark. “Do you want to?”

Yuuri nods silently, the clouded look in his eyes words enough for Victor.

Victor and Yuuri make love, their bodies moving in a slow, even rhythm as they savored the sensation of being connected with one another. Victor was inside and around him, his hands roaming against the expanse of skin as if visiting someplace beautiful and familiar for the first time.

 Yuuri is home.

When he breathes in their scents mingling together, he melts. He melts until he can no longer tell where he ends and when he begins. He melts until the boundary between ‘I’ and ‘you’ become blurred and ambiguous.

 There is no ‘he’ or ‘him’, no Victor or Yuuri. There is only the oneness they share in this moment as their hearts beat as one.

When Victor holds him in his arms, he sees the birth of a universe in Yuuri’s eyes.

 Yuuri is beautiful, the gravity in his body drawing him closer and closer to the beautiful arrangement of atoms that is him.

The world brought him Yuuri. Everything from the creation of the universe and the beginning of life itself all led to this singular moment spent in each other’s arms. Victor drinks in his breath and his words as they lock their bodies and souls no force in the universe can ever wrench apart.

Yuuri is home.

And Victor is never leaving. Not again, not ever.

When the both of them finish, Yuuri looks absolutely breath-taking. The beads of sweat on his skin glisten like a constellation against the pale backdrop of his skin. Yuuri slots himself against Victor’s side, their bodies fitting perfectly against one another like a puzzle made whole.

Wordlessly, Victor breathes in the scent of Yuuri—his home, his world, his entire universe.

“I love you, Yuuri.” Victor takes his hand and kisses his knuckles tenderly. _“I’m sorry,”_ his eyes seem to whisper.

“I love you too, Victor.” Yuuri’s smile is the most perfect thing he’s ever seen. Yuuri brushes a stray lock of silver hair behind his ear and leans towards him to kiss his lips. “More than anything in this world.”

“What did I possibly do to deserve someone as beautiful as you?”

_Or deserve a second chance?_

“You loved me, took care of me and became a good mate and father.” Yuuri kisses him again.

“That was all it took for me to fall deeper in love with you every single day.”

“I think you’re most of those things,” Victor laughs. “What was it again? It’s like I’m one of your children.”

“Well, you _are_ a child in a man’s body,” Yuuri chuckles as he wraps his arms tighter around Victor. “But I love you all the same.”

“I’m the older among the two of us and yet you always seem to be the more mature one,” Victor laughs as he gives his fake stomach a pat, which he totally didn’t wear a while ago.

“Well someone has to.” Yuuri laughs as he runs his fingers through his hair gently. His warmth radiates a sense of maternal comfort around him.

“Well, you’re right,” Victor smiles. “I guess I’m a bit childish for my own good.”

“That’s the biggest understatement you’ve ever said about yourself,” Yuuri chuckles, but then his eyes grow to the size of saucers.

“Ah.”

“What just happened?”

Yuuri places his hand on his stomach, a big smile on his face as he strokes it with a gentle fondness. “Kazuki just kicked. I guess he didn’t like having his sleep disturbed.”

“Well at least he didn’t know what it was that woke him up,” Victor winks as he gives Yuuri’s tummy a poke.

“Victor, that just sounds wrong,” Yuuri huffs. “Anyway, let’s go get some sleep. Hopefully I’ll get some actual rest today.” He pulls the covers up to their shoulders before wedging a pillow between his legs and another one to support his back.

“Good night, Victor.”

“Good night, my love,” When Victor gives him a peck on the cheek, Yuuri’s lips curl into the sweetest of smiles as he closes his eyes.

The universe falls asleep.

 

 

“Vitya, what on earth happened to you?!” Yakov is red-faced the moment Victor enters the room. The people around him freeze in their tracks and whisper among one another as they look at the round bump on his belly.

“Why, my dear Yakov, meet Richard!” He happily declares with a pat on his fake stomach. “He is my strapping baby boy that’s due a month from now!”

“What the fuck?” Yuri walks into the scene with a face like he’d seen Victor walk into the studio wearing a thong and a feather boa, which he has, at one point. “Why the fuck are you wearing that thing to the shoot?”

Victor gasps. “Excuse me, but he has a name.” He places his hands on Richard in mock horror. Yuri rolls his eyes. “I’m wearing this until Yuuri is due so I can get to feel at least a little bit of what it’s like to be pregnant.”

“Hah!” Sara laughs from where she’s seated replacing a camera lens. Sara is seven months along now and yet she continues to show up to work without fail. “The weight is only part of it!”

“Better me than you!” her mate, Mila gives her a wink, to which she snorts at.

“I understand your sentiment Vitya, but,” Yakov pinches the bridge of his nose. “You have to take that thing off if we’re going to make this commercial happen.”

“Yakov, I am not aborting my baby,” he wraps his arms protectively around Richard. “You will have to wait until he can be brought safely into the world.”

If Yakov’s ruddy complexion didn’t turn even redder, Victor disregards it completely.

“Victor, we have a commercial to shoot ten minutes from now!” Yakov scolds him, but Victor remains unfazed as ever as he strokes Richard absently. “Take that thing off right not before I have to take it from you!”

Victor doesn’t take his fake belly off.

To Victor’s insistence, they shoot the shampoo commercial with Richard still on. If anyone who didn’t know him saw him, they would definitely be convinced that Victor is carrying a baby.

“Wow, papa, you really brought Richard with you to work!” Mirai points at the screen while munching on a bag of chips.

“Of course.” Victor looks on proudly as he strokes Richard fondly. “Richard is papa’s baby, after all.”

Yuuri chuckles. “I take it that Yakov didn’t take well to the idea?”

“Oh, Yakov was furious,” Victor laughs. “He wanted me to take Richard off for the commercial but I wouldn’t have any of it.”

On the television screen, Victor flips his hair, flashes a smile and struts on the runway while his voice-over says something about keratin protect and argan oil.

 “More people will want to buy the shampoo now that you’re basically a meme,” Yuuri snorts as he scrolls through his meme-filled twitter feed. When Victor sees a picture of him photoshopped into various images, there was no stifling the ugly laugh that escapes his mouth.

“What’s a meme?” Mirai asks between a mouthful of chips.

Yuuri shows Mirai a video of Victor edited into a scene of Titanic while a cover of My Heart Will Go On on recorder plays in the background.

Victor becomes the meme of the month.

 

 

“Congratulations, Valentina!” Valentina has a big grin on her face as she hugs both of her parents tightly. “Thank you so much mama, papa!” She giggles brightly and gives Victor and Yuuri both a kiss on the cheek.

“Anything for you, darling,” Victor kisses his daughter back on the cheek. “We’re so glad that you love it!”

Valentina had just graduated elementary school. To reward her for all her hard work, Victor and Yuuri decided to throw her a party. Being the extra father he was, Victor spared no expense, much to Yuuri’s disapproval. Victor hired the finest baker to make his daughter the finest cake, hired the finest catering service, bought the finest sound system and rented the finest room in the finest hotel.

“I picked out the cake flavor for you!” Mirai declares happily while holding onto a party hat. “It’s red velvet!”

“Really?!” Valentina’s eyes practically light up. “The three of you really thought of everything!”

“Well, I told your father that he didn’t need to go all out but he wouldn’t have any of it,” Yuuri chuckles.

“I’m kind of an at-home person but I think having a party here is great too!”

“See, Yuuri?” Victor’s lips curl into a smug smile. “I told you she’d love it.”

“Alright, alright, I admit it,” Yuuri laughs. “You’re good at party planning.”

“Only the best for the best daughter in the world!” Victor gives Valentina’s head a pat.

“Hey! What about me?” Mirai pouts.

“But of course. How could I forget?” When Victor pinches little Mirai’s cheek, her frown turns into a giggle.

“Mirai, let’s eat the cake!” Valentina grabs her little sister by the arm.

“Yay!” And just like that, the two girls run off to the table to destroy the three-tiered birthday cake.

The party goes just as great as planned, with the girls having a good time dancing and playing games with their friends on the dancefloor. Victor’s heart fills with warmth as he watches his daughters laugh and enjoy themselves in the party. In another timeline, Victor killed the same laughter the moment he left his family for something trivial.

The sight of their crying faces burn like a hot brand against his heart.

What Victor wouldn’t do to protect those smiles. 

“Hey, aren’t you the shampoo commercial man?” A friend of Valentina’s approaches him, pointing at his fake belly. “Do you really have a baby in there?”

“Oh, no,” Victor laughs as he gives Richard a pat. “This is just a fake stomach. It’s so I can get to know a part of how it feels like to be pregnant.”

“But why?”

“So I can understand what my mate goes through even if it’s just a little,” he smiles as he wraps an arm around Yuuri’s shoulders.

“That’s right. Victor told me that he’ll take the stomach off when my baby comes out,” Yuuri chuckles. “That way, it’d be like having our babies together.”

“Weird, but cool.” The kid sips on a juice box before walking away to join the other kids in playing games.

When all the kids have been tired out from all the games, it was time for the parents to take the dancefloor while their children sat around tables playing with party favors and eating.

“Cool party, old man,” Yuri walks up to him with a giggling Mirai at his side. Since the first time Yuri visited their house to babysit Mirai, the little girl has only grown fond of him. On his head is a pair of white cat ears that Mirai herself had put on a little while ago.

“Thanks! Yuuri helped me plan it!”

“But seriously, though,” The young alpha gives his fake belly a pointed look. “Are you still keeping that thing on?”

“Of course I am. I’ve grown fond of it after all.”

Yuri sighs and turns to Yuuri. “I wonder why you even married this idiot. He’s hopeless.”

“He’s not hopeless, he’s papa!” Mirai exclaims beside him.

“Oh, he has his own charms,” Yuuri giggles as he locks his fingers with his. “He may be an idiot, but he’s my idiot.”

“Ugh,” Yuri groans. “Mates and their sappiness.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find yours someday!”

“Not interested,” he huffs. “Come on Mirai, let’s watch cat videos on my phone.” He takes her hand and walks off to the end of the room.

“Yay! Kitty videos!”

“Looks like someone’s fond of Yurio,” Yuuri giggles.

“He may not look like it at first, but he has a soft side to him. Mirai wouldn’t stop talking about him when she first met him.”

“The two of them are so close, she practically thinks of him as an older brother,” Victor watches the two of them laughing at cat videos. “I can only imagine how excited she must be to finally be a big sister.”

“That’s true. She’d always been the littlest one after all.” Yuuri laughs softly as he rubs his hand against his tummy. “In just the matter of two weeks, everyone will finally get to meet Kazuki.”

“Yeah.” Victor smiles sadly as he places a hand on Yuuri’s stomach.

 Things are going to be different this time. They have to be.

He’s going to see Kazuki come into the world and he’s going to raise him, watch him take his first steps and guide him as he grows up.

“Victor, are you alright?” Yuuri flashes him a look of concern. He must’ve sensed his unease through their bond.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright,” he chuckles nervously. “I’m just…feeling nervous, is all.”

“So am I.” Yuuri laughs. “But you know what always does the trick?” His lips curl into the sweet smile that Victor fell in love with as he takes his hands in his.

“Dancing?” Victor allows himself to be led to the dance floor as Yuuri drags him to the center.

“Dancing.” Yuuri’s eyes practically glow under the light. When the lights dim down and the music mellows out, Yuuri places a hand on Victor’s waist and takes his hand.

In that moment, all the worries in Victor’s mind lifts away, even if only for a moment. Yuuri leads the way, their bodies swaying in time to the music as the crowd around them turns silent.

“You know me too well, don’t you?” Victor smiles as he follows Yuuri’s simple, rhythmic swaying on the dancefloor.

Victor had never been much of a dancer. It was Yuuri, even, who led the dance on their wedding day and amazed the crowd with a mind-blowing dance number. Before they married, Yuuri was a skilled contemporary dancer—and still is. He would perform in numerous ballet shows and even host charity events to raise money for unprivileged children.

When Victor first saw Yuuri dancing on the stage, he fell in love with him at first sight.

He fell in love with his beauty, his strength and his kindness. Yuuri’s flame never faltered nor flickered—not even when he had to give up doing the thing he loved to raise his family.

“Yuuri?”

“Yes, Victor?” Yuuri is beautiful. The lights overhead cast an interplay of light and shadow over the soft contours of his face.

“Do you ever wish you hadn’t given up dancing?” Victor feels a stab of guilt for taking his dream away. Yuuri would recall his glory days with his children with a sad fondness in his eyes.

When Yuuri goes silent for a while, Victor panics and thinks he might’ve overstepped his boundaries.

But then Yuuri smiles at him and only holds his hand tighter as he presses himself closer against him.

“To be honest, I wish I could have continued performing,” his chuckle was sad and fond, yet there was no trace of bitterness in it. “Dancing was my life, my passion. It was my dream.”

“Yuuri, I’m so sorry.” Victor casts his eyes down onto the floor. “You had to give up you dream because of me…”

“Oh, Victor,” When Yuuri cradles his cheek, his eyes hold all the warmth and love in the world.

“You _are_ my dream.”

The ground beneath Victor’s feet splits open and he falls into the depths of those warm, brown eyes.

“Loving you and having a family with you…” Yuuri takes his hand and presses his lips tenderly against his knuckles. “It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of.”

“Spending every single day with you and our children and seeing them grow up…” When Yuuri’s eyes light up with the glow of a thousand stars, Victor’s heart burns even brighter for him.

“It feels like I’m dancing all over again.” Yuuri leans in to peck Victor on the lips before curling his lips into that sweet, angelic smile of his.

“Oh, Yuuri.” At the corner of Victor’s eyes, a camera flashes.

Right now, it was just the two of them.

When Victor gives Yuuri a little dip, he laughs brightly before pulling him back up and pressing his lips sweetly against his.  Yuuri wraps his arms around his neck, their bodies swaying to the beat as their smiles press tenderly against one another.

The room was silent.

There was no music, no chattering and no clicks of cameras.

There was only the sound of their hearts beating as one.

“I love you, Yuuri,” Victor whispers softly, foreheads pressed against one another as their feet move to the quiet music of their heartbeats. “I love you more than anything in this world.”

How had he been so stupid before to decide to leave when he had everything he ever dreamed of?

Victor threw away all he had, all he loved and all he cared over something trivial.

He made the wrong decisions and lost his family.

“I love you more, Victor.”

And yet, by some miracle he doesn’t deserve, he was brought back to them.

“More than you could ever imagine.”

When Victor’s eyes overflow, he embraces his entire world.

 

 

When Victor walks out of the shower, he receives another strange text.

 

_Phichit Chulanont: Be strong._

Victor can’t help the shiver that runs down his spine when he puts his phone down on the night stand.      His breath hitches at his throat at the omen. Surely, there has to be some way.

 There must be something he could do, no matter how tiny it may be, to change the outcome he fears for the most. Kazuki will live.

There has to be a way.

 _“But why would Phichit tell you to be strong?”_  

Unless—no, no. Victor shuts the thought out of his mind. Yuuri’s due date is drawing closer. With every day that passes by, his trepidation only grows stronger, his fear of the uncertain only gnawing into the recesses of his mind even further.

Today only happens to be the same day Yuuri went into labor during the previous timeline.

Being pessimistic wouldn’t do him any good. Things are going well with his family right now. Surely, things with Kazuki will turn out good, too.

Right. Until Victor can see for himself, he holds onto that hope that everything will be alright.

They have to be.

After Victor gets dressed, he walks into the living room where he sees Yuuri eating ice cream from a tub. The children have long been put to sleep and Yuuri decided to relax on the couch watching TV.

“Hey, Yuuri.” Victor takes a seat beside him.

“Oh hey there,” when Yuuri smiles at him, his calmness does little to ease his nerves. “You look pale. Is everything alright?”

Victor’s eyes are fixated on the clock on the wall, counting every second that ticks by.

_Tick tock tick tock tick tock._

The sound is grating in his nerves as it counts down to what could be an impending demise or miracle.

“Yes.” _No._

From the look on Yuuri’s face, he doesn’t buy it. Yuuri had always been perceptive of the littlest things when it came to Victor. “Are you sure?” He rubs at the bond mark on the back of his neck.

“You can always tell me if something is troubling you.”

“I’m fine, Yuuri,” when the tone of his voice comes off as rough, he silently curses himself for it.

“Well, if you say so.” Yuuri’s expression falls as he sighs. Yuuri gets up from the couch and picks up his ice cream tub. “I’ll just put the ice cream back in the fridge.”

When Yuuri disappears into the kitchen, Victor buries his face in his hands out of frustration.

This is exactly the wrong time to act so negative. He should calm down. Right. Calm his nerves down and think instead of—

Victor hears a thud coming from the kitchen.

“Victor!” When Victor smells the sour scent of distress, he immediately rushes to Yuuri’s side in the kitchen. Yuuri is lying on the floor with his clothes soaked, his face contorted in pain as he clutches onto his belly.

Without second thought, Victor hoists Yuuri up into his arms, fetches the car keys and immediately drives him to the hospital. He’ll take care of Mirai and Valentina later.

“Take deep breaths, Yuuri.” His own breath starts staggering as he looks at the road ahead. Beside him, Yuuri tries to manage the pain in whatever way he can.

This is it. The moment of truth.

To say that Victor is panicking would be a major understatement. He can hear the sound of his own heart beating frantically in his ears and his blood rushing through his veins.

“The baby’s coming,” Yuuri says breathlessly between gasps. “Victor, I’m so scared.” His lips tremble as he reaches out for his hand.

“I know, me too.” When Victor takes his hand, he finds that he’s shaking. He’s terrified.

Victor could feel it through their bond—Yuuri is terrified and so is he. How can he possibly afford to be calm for the both of them when his brain is practically in a jumble right now?

 

Although the drive to the hospital took only a few minutes, it was as if the road went on for hours.

The moment they arrive at the hospital, Yuuri gets wheeled out onto a gurney and into the delivery room.

Nurses rush into the room in calm, yet hurried order as Yuuri is transferred to the birthing table. Victor, on the other hand, is panicking, doing more bad than good to Yuuri as his own pheromones sour into something acrid and distressed.

The doctor arrives to the scene and says something about dilation and contractions that goes over Victor’s head.

“Yuuri.” Victor’s trembling hands clutch Yuuri’s in a vise-like grip.

“V-Victor…” Yuuri whimpers through paling lips. His breaths now are heavy and labored. “I don’t know if I can do this…”

“Don’t say that, Yuuri.” Victor’s eyes start to blur as tears threaten to spill from his eyes. “You can do it. I know you can.”

The seconds tick away like a time bomb counting off to detonation.

Victor’s bond mark begins to throb with a dull, thrumming pain.

Yuuri shuts his eyes tightly and nods wordlessly as he presses his lips into a tight line as if trying to confine the pain.

Three hours pass by in a blur. The room is a busy humdrum of activity, but Victor’s eyes remain only on Yuuri. The pain on his bond mark only grows worse.

“Ten centimeters dilation,” the doctor notes before turning towards Yuuri. “Okay, Yuuri, are you ready?”

“Yes,” Yuuri huffs weakly, the look on his face drained of all color. He turns towards Victor, the look in his eyes equal parts fear and determination. “I can do this.”

“I know you can, my love.” Yuuri grips onto his hand tightly as Victor presses a kiss to his lips.

“Be strong.”

He reaches out to that tiny glimmer of hope through the darkness. He takes it in his hand and hold it close to his chest and hope, no, believe that everything will be alright.

“I want you to take a deep breath and push as hard as you can, Yuuri,” the doctor says, and Yuuri nods his head frantically despite the light-headedness.

“On three. One, two…push!”

When Yuuri pushes, he pushes with all of his strength. The room fills with his screams as he digs his nails hard enough against Victor’s hand to draw blood. But Victor doesn’t care.

“You’re doing great, Yuuri!” Victor yells out words of encouragement as his heart races a hundred miles per hour inside the confines of his ribcage. “You can do this!”

And he will. When all of this is over, they will go home with Kazuki in Yuuri’s arms. Mirai and Valentina will finally get to meet their little brother.

Victor never considered himself a religious man.

And yet here he is, praying silently to whatever deity that might be listening to let things go well.

“I can see the head!” The doctor shouts. “You can do this, Yuuri! Push as hard as you can!”

When Yuuri makes another push, a scream tears through his body.

Victor has seen this same scene twice. And yet every single time, he can’t help but feel the pain, exhaustion, anxiety and anticipation all rolled up into one flow through their bond. Even more so when the nagging voice inside his head threatens to kill that tiny glimmer of hope in his heart.

Yuuri is in a world of pain. That much, he can tell. Even the worsening ache on his bond mark cannot even begin to compare to the pain Yuuri must be in right now.

“You’re doing great, Yuuri!” The doctor yells words of encouragement. “I can see the shoulders! Give it your all!”

“You hear that, Yuuri?!” Victor feels a sense of excitement wash over him. “We’re going to meet Kazuki soon! You’re doing so great, love.” He gives him a kiss on the cheek.

When he senses Yuuri’s stress lessen through their bond, Victor feels himself relax, even if only for a little. When Yuuri gives one last push, the both of them feel a shared sense of accomplishment wash through their bond.

“The baby is out!”

“You did it.” Victor smiles at Yuuri as he loosens the grip on his hand. “You did it, Yuuri!” He kisses Yuuri on the lips as he feels the weight of his anxiety lift off his shoulders.

Yuuri smiles at him wordlessly, the look of relief on his face worth a thousand words.

“I’m so proud of you, Yuuri,” Victor praises his mate for a job well done as he nuzzles against his neck. He feels Yuuri’s steady breathing beneath his touch, his chest rising and falling rhythmically as he breathes in his scent. “I love you so much, Yuuri.”

When he kisses Yuuri, he feels his lips morph into a gentle smile against his. Their scents mingle with one another in a sweet perfume as they relish in each other’s warmth.

“I love you too, Victor,” he whispers softly against their shared kiss. “So much.”

This is it.

All the fear and anxiety that ate at his mind finally dissolve away.

Yuuri is his mate. He is kind, strong and beautiful—it was wrong of him to even think of doubting him.

Victor was given the benefit of a second chance to set things right. With his child delivered safely and his arms wrapped tightly around Yuuri, everything is as it should be.

Then, a sour scent hits his nose.

It was sour and acrid and familiar—it was the smell of distress.

When Victor looks at Yuuri, the look in his eyes morphs into that of shock and fear.

Victor is confused.

The air around them turns thick, and the scenery blurs into a muddled mess of colors as the harsh white lights sear into his retinas.

Time stops.

The thrumming in his ears grow louder.

Victor realizes.

The doctors and nurses around them are deathly silent.

 

So is Kazuki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This extra knowledge about the kids' names might come in handy! :D 
> 
> 1\. Mirai- written as 未来, "future"  
> 2\. Kazuki- written as 一希, "one hope"  
> 3\. Valentina- "healthy," "strong"
> 
> I can't believe I actually managed to put another story up in the same year!  
> This is the first A/B/O fic I've ever written but I hope you guys enjoyed reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it! ^v^
> 
> Check me out on twitter [@chattoyant_zee](https://twitter.com/chattoyant_zee)


	2. one hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Stay by my side forever?”
> 
> “Forever and ever.” Then it’s blue against brown, the longing sea against the yielding shore and a mortal man in the midst of the universe.

The tiniest caskets are often the heaviest.

When Yuuri watches the casket lower into the grave, his heart sinks into the ground with it.

It hurts.

It hurt more than words could ever describe to see the life he nurtured within him cold and unmoving, never to open his eyes and see the world.

 _“Nothing could be done,”_ the doctors said. _“None of it was your fault,”_ they said. And yet no matter how much the reassurances, no matter how warm the words or how deep the sympathy, Yuuri feels his failure as a mother like a stab to his heart.

His heart broke into a million pieces the moment he clutched Kazuki to his chest and cursed himself for the death of his child.

Victor wraps his arms around him. When Yuuri cries into his chest, his tears sear into his skin like acid. He pulls Yuuri close to him as his own shoulders shake with sobs. Victor was just as devastated as Yuuri when the doctor handed them an unmoving Kazuki. Despite the grief, however, Victor still managed to be strong for the both of them.

It was laughable, looking back now, how Yuuri was considered to be the stronger one among the two when he couldn’t even hold himself together for Victor and his children.

All that pain, all that excitement and anticipation for nothing. It was as if the world itself was telling Kazuki not to live.

Clutching to both their parents, Valentina and Mirai mourn for the loss of their baby brother. He still remembers the look in his daughters’ eyes when they were told that their brother is dead. The girls are so young, and yet they had to experience the death of their little brother just as soon as he came into the world.

All evidence in the autopsy reports pointed to asphyxiation via the umbilical cord around the neck. There was nothing Yuuri could have done to prevent it and yet he blames himself for Kazuki’s death all the same.

The moment he realized Kazuki wasn’t crying, the light in his eyes died with him that day.

When the funeral is over, Yuuri, Victor and their daughters linger before the grave of his child when the other guests have left.

“Mama, is Kazuki going to become an angel?” Mirai asks with innocent child-eyed curiosity as she looks up at her mother.

Yuuri’s breath hitches at his throat as another sob wracks his body. When the look on Mirai’s face morphs into that of guilt, Yuuri’s heart breaks even further.

His little girl feels _guilty_ that she made her mother cry even more.

“Yes, darling.” Victor answers for Yuuri as he pulls his mate and his children close to him. His blue eyes are red and puffy from crying.

“Kazuki will become an angel.” Yuuri buries his face against the crook of Victor’s neck, his bitter tears seeping through his clothes. “And when he does, he will watch over all of us.”

Yuuri thinks someone like him would not be deserving of such a thing. If anything, Kazuki should be condemning him for being a bad mother.

It was all such a cruel joke, Yuuri thought. He nurtured a life within him for nine months only to have it taken away the moment it enters the world. When Yuuri found out that he was pregnant with Kazuki, it was unexpected and yet he was prepared to welcome him into the world nevertheless.

Yuuri loved children. Back when he still danced for charity, his heart would always go out to every child that didn’t have the privilege of living a safe, sheltered life.

Yuuri considered himself a superstitious person.

He grew up believing in spirits, the supernatural and ghost stories his friends and family would tell him while growing up in Japan. It rubbed on him. When he came to the United States for university, he brought that part of home with him.

This time, however, there was no entity nor supernatural force to blame for Kazuki’s death.

There was no one but himself to blame.

The alpha releases calming pheromones through their bond to calm him down, but it does very little to soothe his aching heart. His omega purrs in delight at how kind his mate is, how good he is to him despite failing on the one thing that omegas were put on this earth to do.

 Yuuri, on the other hand, is inconsolable as his hope lies buried six feet underground.

He doesn’t deserve all this love. All this empathy, all this consolation. If anything, he deserves hatred, resentment and anger. He wants the people in his life to feel the things he feels towards himself.

To take someone’s life is unforgivable. Even more so when it’s an innocent child’s.

When they get home from the burial, Yuuri locks himself in what was meant to be Kazuki’s room.

“Yuuri?” Victor’s voice echoes a sad sense concern as he knocks on the door. “Can you let me in?”

“I’m sorry, Victor,” Yuuri stifles a sob as his eyes fall upon the crib standing on the corner of the room. “But I want to be left alone for a little while.”

Victor falls silent on the other side of the door before breathing out a soft, dejected sigh.

“Alright, Yuuri. Just remember that you’re not in this alone. If you ever need anything, the kids and I are always there for you.” Victor was always so good to him. _Too good_ for a failure of a mate and a mother like himself.

“I understand,” a tiny sob escapes Yuuri’s mouth as a tear falls down his eye. “Thank you, Victor.”

“I love you, Yuuri. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I love you too, Victor.” He smiles despite knowing Victor can’t see him. When his eyes drown with the weight of his tears, his vision grows blurry.

Victor’s footsteps grow faint as he walks away from the room. As much as Yuuri wanted nothing more than the comfort of his mate consoling him, he knew he needed to grieve for the death of his child.

Victor had always stuck close to Yuuri. He would embrace him, kiss him and fan the worries away when Yuuri was troubled. Right now, however, his space was comforting.

Yuuri places a hand on his stomach, reliving the moments when hope still lived within him. Yuuri recalls the excitement, the sheer joy of anticipating the arrival of a new member to their family. Victor and Yuuri would wake up together in the middle of the night to calm a crying Kazuki down. Victor would absolutely waste no expense in doting him just as he had done with their daughters. The girls would have a little brother to look after. He would say his first words. They would watch Kazuki take his first steps on the backyard and cheer for him as he’d walk towards them. Yuuri would drive him to his first day in school. He would watch him have fun with the friends he makes along the way and watch over him as he leads his own future.

When Yuuri doesn’t feel a kick, he laughs bitterly at himself.

Of course.

Yuuri pulls out Kazuki’s clothes from the drawer and breathes in the scent of the child that will never wear them. He buries his face against the soft fabric, his tears stinging his skin as they leave burning tracks in its wake.

Kazuki will never get to use any of the things they got for him.

Yuuri will never wake up in the middle of the night to find him crying in his crib, watch him play with the toys they got him as Victor would lovingly look on and buy him more. Kazuki will never slide his little feet into the tiny shoes they got him and take his first steps. Yuuri will never drive him to school and watch him play with his friends. He will never see his son accomplish great things in his life and make him the proudest mother in the world.

The broken pieces of his heart shatter further, breaking into even tinier bits as his own grief grinds them into dust.

Yuuri mourns for the death of his baby. He mourns for the eyes that will never open, the feet that will never walk, the hands that will never touch and the heart that will never beat again.

The sound of his own heart beating mocks him.

* * *

 

It was the same scene as before.

Victor could see it in his eyes—the distant, faraway look as if his mind has wandered off somewhere else entirely. It has been a month now since they buried Kazuki. While Victor himself mourns for the fate that went unchanged, he picked himself up and went on with his duties both as a mate and a father for his family.

Yuuri, on the other hand, wasn’t quite the same. Victor would find him sleepless for days on end, crying into his pillow while Victor tried his best to comfort him. He kept assuring him that none of it was his fault, that he and the children still love him and that they would support him no matter what. But none of it was ever enough.

Victor understood grief well enough. He lost both his parents at a young age and has had to look after himself since. He understood well enough that people grieve differently. Whereas he recovered quickly from his losses, Yuuri’s grief took longer.

In a previous timeline, Victor decided dealing with his mate’s grief was much too frustrating for him to deal with and left his family for trivial reasons.

In the present timeline, however, Victor is determined to stay by his side and see things out together. They will get through this together. And Victor will stay by Yuuri’s side every step of the way.

“Victor, are you sure you don’t want to be at work right now?” Yuuri asks, the look in his eyes as dull and gray as the sky overhead.

“It’s alright, Yuuri.” He gives his hand a reassuring pat. “I want to be there for you, after all.” He smiles at him warmly, hoping that it will warm his heart up too.

“It’s just a routine check-up,” Yuuri chuckles, but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He notices his hand stroking at his belly absently. Victor’s heart falters.

“I just needed an excuse to be with you, is all.” Victor laughs as he tries to hide the hurt in his voice.

When Yuuri giggles, it was if the light in his eyes return for a split-second before fading away just as quickly as it had appeared.

“Thank you, Victor.” His smile is soft now, tight and pensive as he places his hand on top of Victor’s. “I know it must be difficult for you to keep looking after me when…” When Yuuri pauses for a bit, he purses his lips into a tight line. “…When I’m like this,” he chuckles a short, bitter chuckle that pierces into Victor’s heart.

“There’s not a single day that I think you’re being difficult, Yuuri.” He wishes he could have said the same thing in the previous timeline. Wishes he could have avoided all the heartbreak and the sleepless nights longing for his family.

 Victor was sent back here for a reason.  Things didn’t change. Kazuki still ended up the way he did and yet he is every bit as different as the man who left his family behind for selfish reasons. The circumstances didn’t change, but Victor did.

Victor stops at a red light and turns towards Yuuri.

 “Do you remember when we made our marriage vows?” He begins rubbing his thumb against the golden band on Yuuri’s finger. When the sunlight shines against Yuuri’s face just so, the depths of his brown eyes glow golden. He feels Yuuri begin to relax now, the corner of his lips tugging up into a smile that’s barely there.

“For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part,” Victor takes Yuuri’s hand in his and brings it close to his lips to press his smile against his knuckles.

“No matter what happens, Yuuri,” Victor locks his fingers with Yuuri’s while his other hand remains on the wheel. “I will always love you.” When he says this, he finds his own eyes blur with tears.

“You’re so good to me, Victor.” Tears spill forth from the universe in Yuuri’s eyes like a comet tail hurtling through the galaxy of his skin.

“I love you so much, Yuuri.” When Victor cups the side of his face with his hand, Yuuri leans into the warmth of his touch. A tear falls from his eyes and lands against the palm of his hand.

“Don’t ever forget that.”

“I love you too, Victor.” His smile, although faint, melts Victor’s heart more than his warmth already has.

Victor leans in towards him to close the space between them as he closes his eyes. He presses his lips tenderly against Yuuri’s, their bond tingling with an electric sensation with the warmth of their kiss.

The light turns green.

Someone behind them starts blowing their horn at them. Victor only kisses Yuuri deeper as the entire universe wraps his arms around him.

 

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Yuuko tells them regretfully as Victor and Yuuri take a seat before her desk. “It must have been very painful.”

“It was,” Yuuri says softly as he grips Victor’s hand in his. “It still is, to be honest.”

“I understand.” She nods sadly, but doesn’t press on further. She pulls out her chair from underneath the desk and takes a seat. “Anyway, have you been experiencing any problems lately? Any pain or discomfort?”

“None at all,” Yuuri says with a glint of sadness in his eyes. _“Not if you count emotional pain,”_ the look in his eyes seem to say. Victor squeezes his thigh in a comforting gesture and Yuuri smiles at him faintly.

“Where there…” Yuuko pauses for a bit, as if hesitating before continuing to speak. “Where there any complications with your body after you gave birth?”

“Not really.” Yuuri’s hand begins to tremble noticeably in Victor’s. “I’m alright,” he says with a plastered-on smile as he feels Yuuri’s heart rate speeding up through their bond. When Victor releases some calming pheromones to soothe him, he slowly calms down until his hand stops shaking. Yuuri shuts his eyes and breathes out a sigh.

But the look on Yuuko’s face senses that she doesn’t buy it. She nods quietly instead as she jots something down on her notepad before standing up from her chair.

After talking about things, Yuuko gives Yuuri a check-up to see if things are in good working order. Yuuri is lying down on the examination table while Yuuko stands beside him pressing the ultrasound probe against his stomach.

Victor immediately catches the sad, distant look in Yuuri’s eyes when the image on the screen shows nothing but an empty womb. Victor takes his mate’s hand in his and kisses it in the hope that it would help to comfort him. Yuuri tears his eyes away from the screen and smiles sadly at Victor.

Two months ago, Victor and Yuuri sat in this same room anticipating the arrival of their new child. Two months later, the both of them mourn for the loss of a life cut short before it even gets the chance to see the world.

In moments like this, Phichit’s text always comes to mind.

_“Be strong.”_

Victor brushes Yuuri’s hair away from his eyes and presses a kiss against his forehead. Yuuri is strong. Far stronger than he ever is or ever hope to be. That tiny glimmer of hope in him didn’t die with Kazuki. The hope inside Victor’s heart only grows stronger, brighter because he believes in the fact that the two of them will get through this together.

Things are only going to get rougher, Victor knows that for a fact. Despite knowing that, however, never has it crossed his mind to ever think of backing out the moment he was sent back in time. Victor had learned his lesson. And he learned it the hard way.

After the ultrasound is over, Victor and Yuuri seat themselves before the doctor’s test as Yuuko briefs them on the findings.

“You look healthy, that’s good news,” Yuuko tries to lighten up the grim mood with her smile. “So far, I haven’t found any complications.” She makes a move of shuffling the papers on her desk. “According to the ultrasound, you’re also very fertile. There’s still a big chance that you could even conceive again.”

Victor notices that the declaration rubs Yuuri off the wrong way, but he waves it off.

“However…” Yuuko pauses before continuing. “I advise that you use birth control when engaging in sexual activities unless you’re comfortable with getting pregnant again.”

“I’ll take note of that,” Yuuri says. If Victor looks closely enough, he can see the faint crease beside Yuuri’s eyes twitch slightly. 

After the consultation ends, Yuuri and Victor exit Yuuko’s clinic.

“Are you okay?” Victor asks him as he places a hand on his back.

“Yeah, I am.” Yuuri lets out a tired sigh. “It’s just…memories and all that.”

“I understand.” Victor gives his mate a kiss to the temple. “We’ll get through this. The both of us together.”

“Thank you, Victor.” He takes Victor’s hand in his and squeezes it gently. Yuuri’s cheeks turn a soft shade of pink when Victor squeezes back.

“Anything for you, my love.” He kisses him again.

As they head towards the set of double doors heading to the parking area, Victor overhears a conversation between what looks like to be a young woman—a beta, according to her scent, walking with her mother. The woman look distressed, the look on her face pale and anxious.

The two of them pause before the reception counter, the mother’s hands planted firmly on her daughter’s shoulders.

“Are you sure you want to go through this?” Her mother flashes a look of concern at her daughter.

“I am,” the woman replies grimly as she presses a hand against her stomach. “I don’t think I’m prepared to bring a child into the world like this.”

Deciding not to snoop into people’s matter’s even further, Victor locks his fingers with Yuuri and walks through the double doors. When they make it to their car, something hot and thick and unpleasant prickles through their bond.

When he looks to his side, Yuuri furrows his brows in anger as he watches the woman from a while ago disappear from his line of sight. He balls his hand into tight fists on his lap as tears start leaking from the corners of his eyes.

The scent of vanilla turns acrid.

 

 

Yuuri still looks through the things in Kazuki’s room from time to time. Victor would notice, with a profound sense of sadness, how Yuuri’s eyes would linger at the crib across the room, smiling sadly to himself as if imagining a baby’s laughter echoing inside. Victor suggested parting with Kazuki’s things, to give them away so Yuuri could heal. But Yuuri wouldn’t have any of it, can’t have any of it.

It has been three months now since Kazuki left them. Different wounds heal differently for different people, Victor learned.

When Victor arrives home from work early, he finds Yuuri seated on the couch in the living room. Victor wraps his arms around his mate from behind and nuzzles the scent gland at the crook of his neck before giving his lips a little peck.

“Well, you’re back home early.” The fine lines on his eyes crinkle beautifully as he smiles at Victor softly.

“I had to,” Victor chuckles as he walks around the couch and plops beside Yuuri giddily. The shampoo commercial with Victor wearing a fake pregnant belly plays on the television. When he looks down at Yuuri’s lap, he finds him clutching onto a stuffed seal that they’d bought for Kazuki.

Victor’s throat tightens at the sight, but he waves it off.

He wraps an arm around his waist and pulls his mate closer to his side. “How couldn’t I, on such a special occasion like this?” He feels the small box in his coat pocket nudge against his side.

Yuuri gives him a questioning look. “Huh? Is there something I should be remembering today?”

Victor laughs. “Oh, Yuuri, you’re so funny.” He gives him a little peck on the cheek. Yuuri was always so cute when he pretended to be clueless. But when he pulls away, the dumbfounded look on his face is still there.

“Wait. You really don’t remember what day it is today?” If he had to admit it out loud, Victor would say that it hurt a little.

Yuuri’s begins to fluster. “I-I’m so sorry,” he mumbles apologetically as he clutches onto the stuffed animal even further. “W-What…” He begins in a low, soft voice as if “What day is it today?”

“Aww Yuuri, you really forgot, didn’t you?” Victor brushes off the momentary hurt with a playful pout. He wraps his arms around his middle and props his chin up against his shoulder.

“Yuuri, it’s our thirteenth wedding anniversary.”

Yuuri’s eyes widen to the size of saucers as his face reddens even further. “W-Wait, it is?! How could I forget?!” Yuuri immediately turns towards Victor and places his hands on his shoulders, knocking the stuffed animal off. “Victor, I-I’m so sorry!” He sputters out apologetically, practically panicking.

“How could I forget something so important? And I haven’t even gotten you anything yet. Ah, this is so embarrassing—“

“It’s alright, Yuuri.” Victor cuts him off gently as he takes his hands in his tenderly.

“But V-Victor, it’s our wedding anniversary…” Yuuri mumbles sadly with downcast eyes. “And I forgot something so important that happened in our life…”

“Yuuri, it’s okay.” He cups the side of his face before leaning in to give his nose a little peck. “Remember that time when I forgot it was your birthday?” He chuckles.

“Oh.” When Yuuri’s eyes begin to light up, Victor’s heart does a leap inside his chest. “I remember that,” he laughs softly. “You were so worried that I’d be mad that you didn’t get me anything and you maxed out your credit card even when I told you everything is alright.”

“See? We’re just alike.” Victor’s lips curl into a heart-shaped smile as he presses his cheek against a chuckling Yuuri’s and catches a whiff of his sweet scent. “Anyway, do you want to help me out in making the anniversary dinner? We’ll have to fetch the kids from ballet class in three hours, after all.”

“Sure.” Yuuri picks the stuffed seal up from the floor and places it beside him on the couch. “I guess it’s the least I could do for forgetting today is our anniversary.” Yuuri laughs as he gets off the couch and helps Victor up.

“Nonsense, I think you cooking with me will be more than enough.” Victor gives him another kiss on the cheek as he wraps an arm around his waist. “I’ll have you know that the lunch you made for me to eat at work had my co-workers sneaking a bite.”

“Really?” Yuuri turns bright, chuckling softly as they walk towards the kitchen. “I’m happy you liked it.”

“Of course.” Victor nods proudly. “Especially when the person that made it is very delicious himself.” When he throws a wink at Yuuri, he gives Victor’s face a playful swat and erupts into sweet, bright laughter.

Victor and Yuuri spend three hours in the kitchen at most preparing a big anniversary dinner for everyone to tuck into. After they finish cooking, they pick up Mirai and Valentina from ballet class. The girls show off what they learned in class and do a little routine they made up as a present for their parents. Yuuri joins in with his daughters and dances along with them with the same poise and grace Victor saw thirteen years ago. Yuuri drags Victor in to the dance, only to have him stepping all over Yuuri’s feet as he takes the lead again. Victor was never quite the dancer, after all.

At dinner, Valentina tells everyone how a boy in ballet class told her that he liked her.

“Did you accept?” Victor asks her with the enthusiasm of a parent knowing about his child’s first love.

Valentina furrows her brows and scowls. “No, I didn’t.” She rips off a turkey leg and takes a bite from it. “Ever since he presented as an alpha, he’d been such a jerk. He’d call me names like ‘omega bitch’ and ‘slut.’”

Mirai, Victor and Yuuri gasp collectively.

“And to think there are still alphas who think that they’re on top of the world,” Victor huffs as he massages his temples.

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Yuuri asks, a sort of maternal protectiveness radiating from him.

“He didn’t. He just keeps calling me these awful names and it’s getting really annoying. I told the teacher about it, but she said that he was only acting mean because he liked me.”

“Now, that’s no way to be acting around someone you like!” Victor says. “When I first saw your mother, I won his heart by being nice and romantic, not acting like a self-entitled alpha!” He folds his arms on his chest. “Isn’t that right, Yuuri?”

“That’s true.” Victor feels a surge of pride rising inside him. “I certainly wouldn’t fall for someone who acts like I’m lower than them.” Yuuri says with a sense of conviction. “Just because we’re omegas, doesn’t mean we should be treated as second-class citizens. Remember that, Valentina.”

“You don’t take trash from anyone.”

“Yes, mama.” Valentina replies with the same strength and conviction in her mother’s eyes.

Victor couldn’t be any prouder at the fact that his daughter is growing up to be just as strong as her mother.

 

After having dinner, the kids go right to sleep with their bellies full. After watching some nighttime television, Victor and Yuuri decide to call it a day.

“Yuuri, I got something for you.” He takes his discarded coat from the bedside table and reaches into one of its pockets. Victor takes out the box and lays it out on the bed.

“What is it?” Yuuri eyes the box with a curious smile as he takes it in his hands.

“Open it.” Victor smiles lovingly at his mate.

When Yuuri pops the lid on the box off, a soft surprised gasp escapes from his mouth. He takes out a diamond-studded gold watch from its cushion and cradles it gently in his hands.

“Victor, this must have been so expensive!” Yuuri turns the watch over in his hands, watching the way the light glints off its shiny surface. “Victor, you really didn’t have to.”

“Oh, that’s nonsense,” Victor chuckles as he scoots himself closer on the bed and wraps an arm around his waist. “I want only the best for you, after all.” He gives his shoulder a little peck, and Yuuri smiles and turns that soft shade of pink.

“Besides…” Victor runs a thumb against the smooth surface of the watch, its hands ticking away to each precious second that passes by.

“I gave this to you because I wanted you to be reminded of just how precious the time we spend together is.”

“Yuuri, do you remember that one day wherein I told you I had a nightmare?”

“You have lots of nightmares, Victor,” Yuuri giggles. “I remember that time you said that you had a dream where all your clothes were replaced with 80’s fashion.”

“It was terrifying, Yuuri,” Victor chuckles. “I was lucky enough to still be a baby during the 80’s.”

“Anyway, so I had a nightmare,” Victor continues.

 “And in that dream, I dreamt that I did something stupid. That I left you and the children for something so trivial. It was alright, for a while. I lived off the fame and fortune I made and had everything I could ask for in the world until one day, I realized just how much I lacked despite it all.”

Victor sees it all too clearly in his mind like a crisp afterimage—the countless nights spent reaching to the other side of the bed, only to find it devoid of any Yuuri, the monotonous ritual of everyday life spent with the plastered-on smiles and the rehearsed lines.

“When I woke up, it was as though I’d spent years in that nightmare, like dreams that feel like they go on for years despite having been only asleep for a few hours.”

“But then I saw you beside me.” Victor takes his hand in his, their wedding bands glinting against the light as he locks his fingers with his. “You were _there_ and you were real and I could touch you.”

When Yuuri raises his free hand and cups the side of his face, his lips curl into a smile that Victor wanted nothing more but to kiss it.

“How can you be so sure you’re not dreaming right now, Victor?” The rich chocolate-brown of his eyes glow golden under the light, the gently-burning flame in its depths warm and bright and magnetic.

“Then I wouldn’t want to wake up from it.”

The universe in Yuuri’s eyes light up with the strength of a thousand stars. Yuuri wraps his arms abruptly around Victor’s neck and closes the space between them with a kiss. They meld into one another, like galaxies colliding and merging into one in a brilliant display of light against the stark darkness of space.

“Are you awake yet?” The universe breathes out softly as he parts away from the kiss.

“I’d never want to wake up from you, Yuuri,” Victor says dreamily as he looks into the eyes that hold the depth of the entire universe. “You are all I know, all I breathe in and all I live for.”

“You were always good with words weren’t you, Victor?” Yuuri giggles, the color in his cheeks diffusing into his skin like the afterglow of a supernova. “I still remember the poem you sent me after you first saw me dance.”

“It wasn’t…that good.” Victor laughs, a blush beginning to settle on his cheeks and across the bridge of his nose. “I couldn’t even think of good rhymes and metaphors to wow you.”

Victor recalls the painstaking hours he spent after seeing Yuuri performing mustering up his near-nonexistent literary skills in hopes of putting his thoughts into words. Even words failed to describe the quiet, graceful strength and the musical sort of beauty that he saw in Yuuri when he first laid eyes on him.

Victor was a hopeless romantic. Still is.

“Oh, but you did.” Yuuri gives the tip of his reddened nose a little poke as he chuckles. “It was the first time someone ever called me strong and beautiful.” And ever since then, Victor never ran out of adjectives to describe the one thing that remained permanent in his life.

Victor called him his home, his world, his entire galaxy and his entire universe. If Yuuri asked him to, he would worship him day to night with his forehead to the ground before gazing up at the stars that shone in his eyes. 

“Every single time I re-read it,” Yuuri continues, his voice soft and mellow and melodious like the quiet, eternal music of the universe. “It amazes me how a poem started everything that we have right now.”

“I guess you’re right,” Victor laughs. “We fell in love, got married and raised a family. It feels like it was only yesterday when I saw you dance for the first time.”

“Time flies fast when you’re with people you love, doesn’t it?”

“It does.” And rewinds for him too, for that matter. Victor takes the golden watch from its straps and starts fastening it around Yuuri’s wrist. “And I only hope that you’ll spend the rest of what time we have left with me.”

“How can I not?” Yuuri’s eyes find the clock face, each turn of its tiny gears indicating the passing of precious seconds in the infinite scale of time. “Maybe then I can see your hair turn truly gray.”

“Not that it’s already gray to begin with,” Yuuri adds teasingly.

“It’s silver, Yuuri,” he corrects him affectionately. “But just imagine it though.” Victor’s eyes turn bright and hopeful. “You, me, sitting on the front porch old and wrinkled telling stories to one another about the days when we were young.”

“We’d see our children grow up and perhaps even see them have children of their own. Maybe then we’d spoil our grandchildren rotten, although you’ll be the one going the extra mile with that, I’m sure,” Yuuri laughs. “And then I’d bicker around for where you left the dentures when it’s in fact right on the nightstand.”

A hearty, unadulterated kind of laughter rolls of Victor’s body just thinking about what it would be like in their elderly days. Long gone would be the youth and physical capabilities they had when they were younger. They’d be wrinkled, sagging old people who’d be a far cry from what they used to look like. And yet Victor would still see the universe in Yuuri’s eyes all the same.

“I’d love that, Yuuri.”

Victor’s eyes are blue. People throughout history have often described blue eyes to be evocative of the depths of the sea and the boundlessness of the skies. And yet to him, Yuuri’s brown eyes was the world. He was the very earth he walked on, the ground that hid treasure and the soil from which life springs forth.

“Stay by my side forever?”

“Forever and ever.” Then it’s blue against brown, the longing sea against the yielding shore and a mortal man in the midst of the universe. Their lips press against one another like they were made to fit perfectly against one another, like fragments of a whole coming together.

Their kiss starts off as chaste and unhurried, but as they roam their hands down against each other, it grows passionate, fervid and hot and wanting. The quiet sound of their breaths fills the static air around them as they kiss promises and ‘I love you’s’ on each other’s tongues. When Yuuri moans softly between their shared breath, a primal instinct shoots through Victor’s spine that has his alpha crave nothing more than to let his omega feel good.

“Yuuri…” The spicy scent of cinnamon entangles with the sweet, heady scent of vanilla. “Can we?”

It had been months since they ever expressed their desires like this, the alpha within him screaming to drown in the feeling of his mate all around him. He presses his lips softly against the crook of his neck as the sweet scent of him floods his senses.

“I’m sorry, Victor…” Yuuri begins apologetically, his voice soft and his eyes half-lidded. “I’m not…” He pauses for a while, his face turning a bright red. “I don’t think I’d be comfortable doing it, so…” He gives him a sheepish little smile.

If Victor feels his alpha’s drive deflate, he doesn’t mind it in the slightest.

 “It’s alright, Yuuri.” Victor assures him with a soothing kiss to the forehead. “I’m sorry if I imposed it upon you.”

“Would you like to take me instead?” He adds a playful smirk for good measure.

“N-No!” Yuuri shakes his head vigorously from side to side as his cheeks burn with the strength of the sun. “I-I mean…” He pauses for a bit to collect his thoughts, his eyes flittering from side to side as the red on his face quietly recedes underneath his skin.

“I-I’m sorry…” he mutters quietly as his brown eyes peek underneath long dark fans. “I’m just…” He worries his lower lip between his teeth.

“I just don’t…feel like doing anything sexual.” He lifts his lashes up and looks at him directly in the eye with an apologetic sort of look.  “I’m sorry, Victor.”

“It’s nothing to be sorry about, Yuuri,” he wraps his arms around him tighter as he pulls him close to his chest. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with doing.”

“I’m really sorry about this, Victor…” Yuuri mumbles against his chest as his fists clutch onto the front of Victor’s shirt. “I’m sure you’ve gotten frustrated,” he sighs heavily.  

“We haven’t done it since…” When Yuuri trails off, the tightening grip on his shirt are words enough to complete his sentence. “I’m sorry, Victor.”

“I told you, Yuuri, I’m alright with it,” he chuckles. He smiles at him sweetly and gives his worrying little head a soft peck. “I don’t want you to force yourself into doing something you don’t want to.”

In a previous timeline, Victor grew tired and frustrated at the lack of physical intimacy brought on by Yuuri’s grief. Because of that, they fought more, grew cold with one another until even an outside observer could see the obvious cracks in their relationship. This was a mistake that Victor made and a mistake he’d been given the chance he didn’t deserve to right all the same. Yuuri’s needs always come before his own.

“It’s just that…” Yuuri looks up from his chest with a heavy sigh, the look in his eyes a swirling torrent of emotion. “I’m afraid.”

“I know it’s been a long time and I know it sounds ridiculous but…I don’t want to risk it, Victor.”

“I understand.” He smiles at him sadly and presses a kiss against his cheek. “You don’t have to apologize for doing what’s best for you.” Victor cups the side of his face and runs his fingers soothingly against his skin.

“Thank you, Victor.” Yuuri takes a deep, drawn-out sigh before curling his lips into a faint smile. “To be honest, I was afraid that you’d get angry at me…”

“Why would I be angry at you?”

“I’ve been ignoring your requests for the past three months…” He swallows a lump in his throat as he looks at Victor meekly through his lashes. “How do you even cope with that?” He sighs weakly.

“My love for you always triumphs over all else, my fair Yuuri,” Victor declares with a dramatic flair, to which Yuuri breaks into laughter.

“There are other ways to feel good, Yuuri.”

“Like touching yourself?” Yuuri snorts as he nudges him at the side.

Victor feels his face burn like a teenager caught doing something naughty under their bedsheets. “Maybe. But there are also ways to make yourself feel good.” Victor regains his composure just as quickly as he had lost it in that split-second.  “In a non-sexual way.”

“Such as?”

“Such as cuddling with the most beautiful person in the world.” When Victor digs his fingers against Yuuri’s sides as he presses a kiss against his lips, Yuuri lets out a squeal.

“V-Victor, that tickles!” Yuuri laughs as Victor tickles Yuuri’s ribs.

“Just kissing you,” he gives him another peck.  “Hugging you and telling you all the things I love about you make my heart feel good.”

“Do you want me to go over all the things I love about you?” Despite being in his late thirties, Victor is still every bit as sappy and romantic as the day they first met.

“Don’t you do that everyday?” The laugh lines on Yuuri’s face crinkle beautifully as he smiles at him sweetly.

“Oh, but I never get tired of it.” Victor pulls his beautiful mate tighter around himself as he kisses his brow. “You may be thirty-six, Yuuri, but you’re still the most beautiful person in all of existence.” Let alone when Yuuri himself _is_ his entire existence.

Yuuri blushes. “What do you see in me, Victor?”

Everything. The stars, the moon, the entire cosmos and its beginning and end. His entire life, the only being he worships and the only force in the entire universe he would bow down to.

“I see strength that’s beyond any other.” The warmth in Yuuri’s eyes draws him in like a meteor drawn to the pull of earth’s gravity.

The look in his eyes now grow somber and quieter. “Why do you keep saying that I’m strong?”

“Because you are. You are much stronger than you hold yourself credit for, my love.”

Yuuri lets out a bitter laugh that pierces through his heart.

“It’s kind of funny, though. How you see me as being the stronger one among us two when I can’t even let go of him.”

“I still hang on to his things,” Yuuri’s shoulders begin to shake. “I still visit his room. I still imagine having to wake up in the middle of the night with you to take care of the baby.” He sobs softly as a tear rolls down his cheek. “I can still feel the weight of him in his arms.” Yuuri wraps his arms around himself as he shuts his eyes tightly. “I still imagine what it would be like to carry him in my arms and watch him open his eyes.”

“I still can’t get over Kazuki.” Victor says nothing. He only pulls him closer as his fingers run gently against his hair. “Everyone was so excited to see him…”

“I’m such a bad mother,” his sob turns louder as he buries his face against the crook of Victor’s neck. “And an even worse mate, at that. I can’t even think about having sex without thinking about bringing a life into this world only to see it end.”

“I even forgot that it was our anniversary today…” he mutters quietly as his tears soak into Victor’s clothes. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t even deserve this life when I took his the moment he was born.”

“It hurts.” Victor feels his own heart wrench out of his chest as the world in his arms is hurting. “It hurts so much, Victor.”

“I feel like I don’t deserve all this love and kindness when all I’ve done was mess things up.”

 _‘I should be the one saying that,’_ Victor thinks to himself. Even though Yuuri might never know of the mistakes he made in another time, the guilt still lives with him. He wonders, for a moment, if the Yuuri of that world still hates him for what he did, if the Mirai and Valentina of that world grew up hating their father.

“You haven’t done anything wrong, Yuuri,” Victor tells him softly as the own dam in his eyes break. Seeing his entire world, his entire universe trembling and hurting and doubting himself breaks his heart more than his own mistakes have. “What happened to Kazuki wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything.”

“Exactly…” When Yuuri curls in on himself, Victor feels as though he took a wrong turn and went crashing into a freight train. “I didn’t do anything to prevent it.”

“You couldn’t have known, Yuuri.” He wipes his tears away as his own blurs his vision. “None of us could have known it would happen.”

“I know that,” he sobs loudly. “And yet I still can’t help but feel like I could have done something to prevent it.”

“It’s like I don’t even deserve to heal at all and get over all of this. Kazuki must be punishing me for being a bad mother.”

“He must hate me for letting him die like that.”

“Yuuri, you know that’s not true,” Victor says with conviction as he looks at Yuuri straight in the eye. The clouds in his mind gather and condenses before escaping as rain through his eyes. “You are far from being a bad mother. Despite all the grief you’re feeling, you still manage to be there for our children. Mirai keeps talking about you to her friends about how great of a mom you are to them. She brags about how you get up early in the morning to make her the most delicious lunches and how you are the most beautiful in the mother in the world to her.”

Yuuri stills, wide-eyed and quiet as he looks at Victor.

“Because of you, Valentina is growing up to be just as strong and independent as you are. She stands up for herself and knows her own worth because of all the things that you taught her. She even told me how much you inspire her. She took up ballet with Mirai because she wants to be like you someday.”

“You inspire everyone around you, Yuuri.” He presses his palm against the side of his face and runs his thumb gently against his cheek like watching the different facets of a precious jewel shine against the light. “The girls love you. And so do I.”

“You are strong and beautiful, Yuuri,” Victor will never get tired of saying that he is. “And I know that we will get through this together.”

“The fact alone that you keep on going on despite the grief is proof enough of just how strong you are.”

“You shouldn’t feel less about yourself for grieving, Yuuri.” Victor gives him a warm, sad smile as he takes his hand tenderly in his. “Everyone grieves at their own pace.” The overhead lights glint against the gold on his wrist and finger.

“It’s not just you, Yuuri. Even I’m still grieving.” Grieving over the fact that he couldn’t change Kazuki’s fate despite changing everything else. Victor sighs softly as he wipes a tear away. “If we just allow ourselves to grieve, the better we will heal.”

“But we shouldn’t let our grief consume us.” Yuuri’s eyes brighten for a moment.

“Despite everything, we should still go on and live. There is more to his life than the sadness it holds.” That much, he has learned ever since he was given the chance to go back in time to fix the mistakes he’s made.

“You’re right.” Yuuri sighs softly as he wipes his tears away. The storm in his eyes begins to clear up.

“I guess I hadn’t really thought of it that way.”

“Everything will be alright, my love,” Victor smiles at him sweetly before giving him a soft kiss. “And I promise you that I’ll be right by your side every step of the way.”

“Thank you, Victor…” His lips curl into the faintest of smiles. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you’re here with me.”

“Anything for you, Yuuri.” He presses a kiss to the golden band on his finger. “I know that we can get through anything if we’re together.” He brushes a stray lock of hair from his face and tucks it behind his ear.

“I just…I just hope I can begin to forgive myself, Victor…I just want things to be back the way they were.”

“I know that you will.” He assures him hopefully. “Things won’t be the same as it was but they don’t have to be bad.”

“Change doesn’t have to be bad. When the both of us heal, we can move forward and live our lives the way we want.”

Yuuri sighs. “Will you wait for me until I heal?” A glimmer of hope flashes in his eyes.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

When Yuuri’s smile grows warm, so does his heart.

“I love you, Victor.” Yuuri throws his arms around him tightly and nuzzles his head against the crook of his neck as his lips brush against his fluttering pulse.

“I love you too, Yuuri.” He locks his arms around him tightly as the stars inside Yuuri’s eyes light up his heart. “More than anything else in this world.”

When Victor feels a warm surge of joy flow through their bond, it’s as though he’s bathing in pure white light.

Everything melts and spills and overflows.

* * *

 

“Mama, why is papa kissing that woman?” Mirai tugs on the hem of Yuuri’s sweater as he points at Victor kissing one of the actresses as part of a shoot for an upcoming movie. “Aren’t you only supposed to kiss people you love?” Her lips turn into a pout. “Does papa not love you anymore?”

“Don’t be silly, Mirai,” Valentina says. “Papa is an actor so he has to do things like this sometimes when he’s part of a movie.”

“And you’re okay with it, mama?” Mirai looks at the lunchbox on her lap sadly.

“It can’t be helped,” Yuuri chuckles as he ruffles Mirai’s head of silver hair. “It’s part of your papa’s work, after all.” As he watches Victor on the set wrap his arms around the woman as he deepens the kiss, he feels a faint pang of jealousy stab through his heart.

“Mama should be the one on that set,” Mirai grumbles. “You and papa look better together.”

Somehow, Yuuri feels a sense of satisfaction upon hearing that.

“Papa is only trying to do his job, darling.” He smiles at her lovingly. “At the end of the day, it’s still me that your papa loves,” he says proudly.

“But what if they fall in love with papa? He’s handsome!”

“I’m sure they know that papa’s heart only belongs to mama, Mirai,” Valentina chuckles softly.

“I guess you’re right!” Mirai beams. “That will tell them to back off!”

“Cut!” Yuri calls out from behind a camera and Victor tears himself off the actress to run towards Yuuri and his girls.

“Hi!” Victor’s lips curl into that heart-shaped smile as he opens his arms out wide. Valentina and Mirai hop off their seats to wrap their arms around their papa. “Did you guys wait too long?”

“Not really.” Valentina chuckles when Victor gives her head a pat. Standing straight up, Valentina’s height is chest-level with Victor’s.

“Papa, you forgot your lunch!” Mirai hands the lunchbox to her father with a pout. “Mama woke up early just to make it for you!”

“I’m sorry,” Victor pats her head to placate her. “I promise we’ll eat it together, okay?”

“Okay!” She nods brightly.

Victor turns towards Yuuri and rushes to him to wrap his arms around him tightly. “Yuuri! How sweet of you and the kids to bring my lunch!” When Victor leans in to give him a kiss, Yuuri stops him playfully with a hand to his mouth.

“I wouldn’t know how to feel about you kissing me when you just kissed someone else a while ago,” Yuuri chuckles as he moves an arm’s length away with his hand still covering his mouth.

“Aww Yuuri, are you jealous?” Victor snickers as he takes his hand off his face to kiss the back of it tenderly.

“Maybe.” Yuuri crosses his arms over his chest and smiles at him faintly as a blush crosses his cheeks.

“Aww.” Victor takes his face in his hands and gives the tip of his nose a cute little peck. “You know you’ll always be the only one I’ll have eyes for.”

Yuuri breaks into a giggling fit and wraps his arms around his neck before leaning in to give him a kiss on the lips. “I already know that.”

“Ugh, you two get grosser every time I see you,” Yuri groans as he passes by with a camera in hand. Victor turns towards the girls. “And you kids are alright with seeing your parents kiss?”

“Why not!” Mirai says brightly. “Papa and mama make the cutest couple ever!”

“Don’t worry, uncle Yurio, I’m sure you’ll find someone to love someday,” Valentina giggles devilishly behind her hand. Yurio groans and leaves the scene grumbling something under his breath.

“Let’s eat lunch.” Yuuri takes his arms off of Victor and slings the strap of his bag over his shoulder as the three of them head to the breakroom. “You worked so hard, I’m sure you must be hungry.”

“Mama’s curry is the best!” Valentina says happily as she shoves a spoonful of rice and curry into her mouth. “Especially when it’s still hot!”

“Yeah! I’m sure that that woman papa was kissing can’t make food as delicious as mama!” Mirai exclaims proudly.

“Don’t say that, Mirai.” Yuuri shushes her daughter. On the inside, however, Yuuri practically beams with pride. “People can hear you.”

“Oops.” She snickers before taking another bite.

“She’s right.” Victor laughs as he takes a spoonful. “No one’s cooking is better than your mama’s.”

After finishing lunch, Victor goes back to the set to shoot while Yuuri and the children watch him work while Mirai makes proud comments about her mama being the only one for her papa when the actress from earlier steps into the scene. Agreeably, Victor giving gazes at someone else other than him, even when it’s all part of an act, leaves him with a tinge of jealousy. However, when Yuuri thinks about it though, he realizes that there’s nothing to be jealous about.

The woman in the set slides her hand into Victor’s.

What they share is real.

When Victor catches Yuuri’s gaze for a moment, something warm flashes in his eyes.

And the world is their movie set.

 

 

When the shoot is finished four hours after Yuuri and the girls came in, everyone decides to call it a day, with Yurio inviting Victor, Yuuri and the kids over for cheap but delicious fast food in a local diner.

“Yurio, are you sure you’re alright with all of this?” Yuuri asks as the waitress places their orders on the table. Mirai happily grabs for her strawberry milkshake while Valentina loops her spaghetti around a fork.

“Don’t worry about it,” he assures him with a quick wave of a hand. “I couldn’t think of what else to spend my money on, anyway.” It’s probably Yurio-speak for _‘I care about you guys so much so let me treat you for food so I don’t have to say how much I care out loud.’_

“Thank you, Yurio.” When Yuuri smiles warmly at him, Yurio blushes and averts his eyes somewhere else to focus on his hamburger.

“It’s nothing,” he mumbles quietly and sinks into his food.

“Aww Yurio is blushing!” Victor says playfully which earns him a swat on the arm. “We care about you too, Yurio!”

“Shut up, old man. I can see your balding head through your thinning hair,” he bites back as a retort and Victor gasps dramatically, scandalized as he pats at his hairline.

“Don’t worry.” Yuuri says with a gentle smile on his face. “I’ll love you even if you go completely bald, Victor,” he assures him with a kiss to the cheek, and Victor calms down visibly. Yurio clicks his tongue in annoyance at their constant display of affection that seems to plague his waking life.

“I invited some people to join us,” Yurio says as everyone is midway into finishing their food. “Is that alright with you guys?”

“Sure,” Victor says as he wipes Mirai’s mouth with a napkin. “We could use some more company.”

 A few minutes later, Sara and Mila burst through the door and settle themselves down by their table. Mila has an infant strapped to her chest while Sara has a pink baby bag slung over her shoulder.

“Good evening, everyone!” Mila calls out as she pats the baby’s back. “Sorry to come on such short notice.”

“Oh, no, it’s alright, really.” Victor says. When Mila takes the baby out of the carrier and hands her to his mother, Yuuri can’t help but find himself drawn to her, somehow. He could see the striking resemblance from both of his parents. She has soft little tufts of black hair and soft blue eyes that look curiously at the surroundings around her. It occurs to Yuuri that Kazuki has— _had_ black hair and blue eyes too.

“Do you want to hold him?” Sara’s voice breaks him out of his trance as he finds himself staring at the baby. The baby turns her little head to the side and smiles as she turns towards Yuuri’s direction.

“Can I?” Yuuri finds his own hands gravitating towards her.

“Of course.” When Sara hands the baby to him, her weight settles in his arms like it was meant to be. When he makes a move to poke the baby’s cheek with his finger, she curls her little fist around his finger as she beams an adorable, toothless smile at Yuuri.

“Why, hello there.” Yuuri croons as a maternal warmth radiates from him. “You’re a pretty little girl, aren’t you?” He chuckles as the baby makes a gurgling sound while reaching for Yuuri’s face. “What’s your name?”

“Her name is Lyuba,” Mila supplies happily.

“She’s the fruit of our love,” Sara continues as a blush dusts across her face.

“What a pretty name,” Victor comments with a chuckle.

“Well, hello there, little Lyuba,” Yuuri’s lips curl into the smile as she presses her little hands against his cheeks. He brushes his fingers gently against the tufts of hair on her head.

“So adorable,” Mirai agrees as she gives the baby’s little foot a squish. “And so soft, too.”

Lyuba gurgles again and blows a saliva bubble as she sticks her hand in her mouth.

“Ah, looks like someone’s getting hungry.” Sara reaches her arms out from across the table to take the baby. When Yuuri’s arms suddenly feel empty, a gentle kind of sadness cloaks wraps around him.

For the rest of the time spent eating at the diner, Yuuri couldn’t get his eyes off of Lyuba, of her eyes, bright and vivid and _alive._ Yuuri is suddenly made aware of the Kazuki-shaped hole in his heart reopening and filled up with a quiet kind of envy. The maternal warmth in Yuuri’s heart is replaced by a profound sense of injustice. Yuuri remains quiet, only speaking to answer a few questions as he finds himself wanting to get the mere sight of Lyuba’s eyes out of his mind. The glued-on pieces of Yuuri’s heart begins to crack.

It’s unfair, all so unfair. It’s as if he got the shorter end of the stick in this game that the world played on him.

If his hope lay buried underground, why then, should the fruit of Mila and Sara’s love stay above it?

Yuuri keeps it together. He can’t possibly allow himself to break down and cry in front of everyone. He clutches his fork tightly in his trembling hand.

The sound of the baby’s laughter begins to grow irritating now.

* * *

 

When everyone heads out of the diner to go home, Victor can tell that there was something up with Yuuri. He could tell by the way he looks at Mila and Sara’s baby both with a longing sort of envy.

“Yuuri, are you alright?” Victor asks him on their way home.

“I’m fine,” he replies quietly.

When Yuuri remains silent for the rest of the trip, Victor doesn’t prod on it.

A few hours after they get home, Victor tucks the kids in while Yuuri unloads the laundry from the washing machine. When a stuffed animal belonging to Kazuki tumbles out of the clothesbasket, Yuuri picks the toy up and holds it close to his chest. He shuts his eyes tightly and his lips purse into a tight line as his shoulders begin to shake.

“Yuuri?” Victor steps inside the laundry room as Yuuri begins sobbing softly. He crouches down beside him and wraps an arm around his shoulder. “If something’s bothering you, you can always tell me,” he tells him gently.

“Victor…” Yuuri sniffles and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “It’s so stupid, really…” He puts the stuffed seal down on his lap and pets its head gently with his fingers. He smiles at him weakly as he cranes his neck up to look at him.

“I got upset seeing Lyuba because it’s all so unfair…” His sobbing gets louder now as tears carve a path through his cheeks. “It’s so unfair how Sara got to keep her baby when I couldn’t even keep mine…”

He clutches the toy tightly in his hands, his fingers turning white as they tremble.

“I thought I was healing, Victor,” Yuuri shuts his eyes tightly as he holds the stuffed animal in a vise-like grip as if squeezing the non-existent life out of it. His breath hitches in his throat as tears fall from his eyes like a river emptying into the sea. “And yet every single time I think I’m getting better, that I’m growing close to letting him go, the more I find myself back at the start.”

Victor was always good with his words. Right now, however, he was at a loss of them.

“When I looked at that baby, I wondered what it would be like to hold Kazuki in my arms and see him laugh.” Yuuri wraps his arms around himself as he buries his face against Victor’s chest. “I keep being reminded of him. I just want to hold my own baby again and watch him grow.”

“What about Mirai and Valentina?” Victor treads carefully with his words, his tone soft and gentle. “Don’t they mean a lot to you?”

“It’s not that, Victor.” Victor wraps his arms around him tightly to keep him steady. “I do love them…I love our girls a lot but…”

“It’s different, loving a child who you didn’t even get any time to spend with…or having that child alive to see just how much I love him.” Yuuri curls in on himself and wraps his arms around his stomach.

“It hurts.”

It saddens him to see Yuuri like this, to see that just when things were going well, he falls into a slump like this. He realizes, then, that nothing he would ever say or do would ever be a permanent solution to the problem. He may soothe Yuuri with his words or shower him with encouragements, but the wound that losing a child brought on him would always open up again like cuts whose stitches are pulled too soon.

No amount of comfort nor warmth would ever fill the Kazuki-shaped hole in his heart, except…

“I can’t get over it, Victor. I don’t believe I’ll ever can,” he sobs loudly into his chest.

Without giving it a second thought, Victor voices it out:

“We can always try again, Yuuri.”

When Yuuri stills in his arms, Victor realizes that he’d been treading too carelessly. Yuuri pulls himself away from Victor, his eyes betraying an expression of hurt. He picks up Kazuki’s stuffed animal from the floor and clutches it tightly in his hands.

“No one can ever replace Kazuki, Victor.” His voice trembles as a fire burns in his eyes. “No child should ever be someone’s replacement.”

“W-Wait,” Victor reaches out for him, but Yuuri inches himself away from his touch like he’d been burned. Maybe Victor’s words _did_ burn him. “I take it back, I didn’t mean any of it!”

When Victor raises his voice at him, Yuuri flinches back a little, the hurt in his eyes increasing a magnitude.

“You think it’s easy, Victor?!” Yuuri _yells_ at him. Yuuri never yelled at him, not like this.

His face grows red and tears rain furiously down his face like bullets. “You think having another child would magically make up for the one that’s gone?!” He flings the toy to the floor angrily.

“Don’t take a child’s life as if it was something that simple, Victor!” Victor makes a move to calm him down, but Yuuri swats his hand away.

“Don’t touch me!”

Victor remains frozen in place, his mouth unable to form words that could possibly hold the chance of redeeming himself.

“Mama….papa…?” Mirai and Valentina’s worried faces peek out from their room. “Are you two fighting?” Mirai asks, her soft little voice trembling as she sniffles.

 Then, the scene clicks into Victor’s mind.

This was exactly what happened in the previous timeline. A quarrel over something Victor said carelessly that led to the doom of their relationship.

Victor made the same mistake again.

“It’s nothing.” Yuuri shakes himself off as he wipes the tears away from his eyes. “Papa and I were just talking about the bills, that’s all.” The forced smile on his face as he assures the children pierces through him.

“There’s nothing you two should be worried about.” He gives the girls pats on the head.

Mirai and Valentina don’t look convinced in the slightest as they look at their father sadly.

“I’ll tuck both of you to bed, okay?” He maintains the smile despite the red in his eyes.

“Okay, mama,” Mirai says quietly as she and Valentina head back into their rooms with Yuuri trailing behind them.

“Good night, Victor,” Yuuri says, the hurt in his voice burning him before shutting the door behind him.

“Yuuri?” Victor raps his hand softly against the door. “Please open up, I want to talk,” he says, his voice trembling and his eyes blurry with tears. When Yuuri answers him with his silence, a soft sob rips through Victor’s throat.

_Of course._

What if by some cruel twist of fate, their relationship would spiral into doom no matter what he does just like how Kazuki’s fate remained constant? Or what if Victor was just fated to make the same mistakes again only to lead to the ultimate conclusion that lead him three years into the past in the first place?

What was it they said again? _‘The higher you fly, the harder you fall?’_ That is exactly what Victor is feeling right now. He’s made so much progress in finally setting things right only to await the crash brought on by his inability to think before speaking.

He can’t possibly go to sleep like this, not with his mind buzzing and wild and frustrated at himself. He checks the fridge to clear his mind, but finds no alcohol in sight.

 _‘Of course,’_ he thought. Yuuri hadn’t kept alcohol in the house ever since they had children.

Taking his coat from the rack and his car keys from his pockets, he sets out for a drive to the nearest bar. If his own thoughts won’t calm him down, then at least some alcohol in his system will.

His drive takes him to a nondescript bar whose name he hasn’t bothered to read in the outskirts of town. Without bothering to look at anyone or anything, Victor seats himself on the bar stool before the counter.

“One whiskey,” Victor slides a dollar forty onto the counter.

“Coming right up,” the bartender takes the money and places it into the cash register with a soft ding. Victor puts his elbows up on the counter and sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm himself down and stop the tears that threaten to escape from his eyes.

“Here’s your drink.” When the bartender places his order on the counter, Victor picks up the glass and downs it without any second thoughts. “You alright?” The bartender sounds concerned, but Victor doesn’t bother to look up to meet his gaze. He only looks down at his own reflected in the pool of whiskey in his glass.

“Maybe,” he laughs bitterly and finishes the rest of his glass. Victor hadn’t gone out drinking since he woke up three years into the past.

“I get a lot of customers like you,” the bartender chuckles. “But you, however, are different.”

“Huh?” Victor raises a brow in confusion and looks up to meet the bartender’s eyes. “What do you mean?” He looks to be about Yuuri’s age—maybe a year or two younger than him. The bartender has tan bronzed skin and thick head of raven hair that’s as dark as the color of his eyes. His scent isn’t particularly overpowering. A beta, most likely.

“Because, Mr. Nikiforov,” the bartender raises a finely-sculpted brow, his lips curling into a mysterious smirk as his dark eyes bore holes into his soul.

 

“I’ve been expecting you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. one hope- Kazuki, 一希, hence the name of this chapter  
> 2\. Lyuba- Russian for 'love'
> 
> i would like to apologize to all of you :')  
> please scream at me on twitter all you want i'd love to know what you guys think!  
> [Twitter](http://twitter.com/chattoyant_zee)


	3. beautiful courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There could be no world. There could be no time, there could be no space and there could be no existence and Victor wouldn’t wrench himself apart from him when Yuuri is his everything in all this nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is not beta-read!  
> please excuse the typos

“Who…who are you?” Victor asks, the air around the bartender giving off a familiar aura. “Have I met you before?”

“Maybe not in person,” the bartender chuckles mysteriously as he refills Victor’s glass. “Free of charge,” the mysterious stranger gives a wink.

“Got any idea who I might be?”

Victor tries to rack his brains for someone fitting the description of the man before him, but when nothing comes up, he shakes his head. “Not a clue.”

“I’m Phichit,” the bartender—no, Phichit, laughs.

“So _you’re_ Phichit?!” When Victor raises his voice in disbelief, he causes a few heads in the bar to turn towards the source of the commotion. Victor apologizes for the noise and regains his composure as he seats himself straight on his seat. “But how do you know me?”

“Oh, Victor,” Phichit sighs. “You’re practically famous, it’s hard not to go anywhere without seeing your face everywhere,” he chuckles as he pulls up a chair behind the counter and takes a seat.

“And besides.” Phichit throws his elbow over the counter. “It’s part of the job, getting to know my clients.”

“How do I know you’re not taking me for a fool?” Victor narrows his eyes at the maybe bartender. One can’t be careful nowadays when stalking and identity theft were on the rise. Ever since Victor woke up three years into the past, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that someone was watching him. There was also the matter of those strange text messages that served more or less as an omen of misfortune.

“Moreover, how can I be sure that you’re really Phichit? And how are you also three years into the past?”

“Well, as for my identity, I am what I am,” Phichit laughs brightly. “As for how I’m in the past, however, I can’t exactly tell you that.” He leans towards Victor and gives him a wink. “It’s bad for business.”

Victor breathes out a discontented sigh. “Were you watching me all along?”

“Oh, yes!” Phichit claps his hands together. “I watch you all the time to see where things are going!”

Which also meant that some mysterious person that claims to have sent Victor three years into the past and sends him ominous text messages watches him go about everything that he does in his day. Talk about a breach of privacy.

“Oh, but don’t worry, I always turn my head around when _something_ is happening,” he giggles playfully behind his hand.

“So?” Victor looks at his refilled glass but makes no move to drink it. “You said you were expecting me?”

“I was.” Phichit almost immediately straightens himself up on his seat as he slips on a serious, business-like tone just as easily as putting on a new suit. “I saw what happened back in the house.”

“Oh.” Victor feels his shame balloon. If it wasn’t bad enough that the girls had to see him and Yuuri fight, it’s made even worse when some mysterious stranger was observing their every move all the time. When you put it that way, it sounded eerie, almost.

“You saw that.”

“I see everything, Victor.” Phichit folds his hands underneath his chin. When his lips curve into a mysterious smile, the scene in the bar freezes like a still frame from a movie. The bar around them goes silent and the movement of the patrons pause to a halt in suspended animation.

“And it seems that you’ve made a huge mistake.” Phichit’s voice sounded almost apprehending now. Dark, almost. Victor feels himself frozen to his seat as a chill runs up his spine.

“Just when things were going so well with you and Yuuri...” Victor feels the proverbial blade in his heart sink and twist deeper. “That wasn’t a very nice thing to say…” Phichit breathes out a disappointed sigh.

“I know.” Victor takes his face in his hands as a futile attempt at hiding his shame away from his knowing eyes.

“Losing a child is no laughing matter, Victor,” Phichit says sternly. “Especially to a mother.” Victor’s breath begins to seize up in his chest as his eyes glisten with unshed tears. “It may have hurt you to lose Kazuki again but it hurt Yuuri even more.”

 _‘Alphas have it better,’_ Yuuri would say.

Of course Victor had it better. He wouldn’t know what it felt like to nurture a life within him only to have it taken the moment it enters the world. Victor wouldn’t know what it felt like to be told to have another child to replace the one that’s gone.

“When I told you not to let this chance slip away, I meant it.” His voice sounds less apprehending now and more patient like a parent explaining to their child that what they did was wrong.

“There are no do-overs for this, Victor.” Phichit purses his lips in a tight line now, the look on his face sad and grim.

“What am I supposed to do now?” Victor sobs softly as tears run down his cheeks. “I’ve ruined everything again.”

“Not everything, Victor. It’s not too late to make things right again.” Phichit’s lips curl into a faint smile now. “Talk to him. Tell him how you’re sorry and how much you love him.”

“But…what if he won’t forgive me?” Yuuri would have every right not to. Given what he’d done to him in the past timeline and the current, Victor didn’t even deserve the right to start all over again.

“You won’t know unless you try, Victor.” Phichit chuckles and takes Victor’s glass to take a sip.

“Believe me, everyone I’ve helped always ended up regretting in the end because of what they did instead of what they could have done,” he adds, the look in his dark eyes reflecting a sense of wisdom beyond his years.

The thought hits Victor’s mind like a bullet. The fog in his mind clears up.

“You’ve been given a chance to live through the past again, Victor.” Phichit finishes Victor’s glass. “Instead of brooding over what you’ve done in a bar…” Phichit picks up the glass from the counter and puts it away. “You might as well go home and make what you will of the present.”

“I’ll try…” Victor says quietly, his breath slowing as he wipes at the mist in his eyes.

“No, Victor, you don’t try at all.” Phichit places a firm hand on his shoulder, his dark eyes training sharply onto his. “Do it.”

And just like that, Phichit vanishes into thin air right in front of him. The usual movement and chatter of the patrons returned to the bar as the scene unfreezes from its momentary pause. He looks at his watch, and sees that nearly two hours have passed.

When he turns around, Victor is shocked to see the bartender replaced with a short middle-aged man with graying hair. “Can I help you sir?”

His eyes dart around the bar to look for Phichit only to find no trace of the mysterious stranger. When Viktor gets up to leave, something catches his attention from the corner of his eye.

A white feather rests on the stool beside him.

 

After the strange encounter, Victor hurries home in hopes of fixing things with Yuuri. He rushes to their shared room in hopes of finding him there only to find it empty. He checks the girls’ room, but there is still no sign of Yuuri. When Victor walks towards Kazuki’s room, he finds the door ajar. He cracks open the door quietly and finds Yuuri sleeping on the bed by the crib with Kazuki’s stuffed seal clutched close to his chest.   
With the blue moonlight filtering through the windows, the tear tracks on Yuuri’s cheeks glisten accusingly at him.

Victor pads quietly on the floor and sits on the edge of the bed. Yuuri notices the bed shift with his weight, he rolls over quietly to the side and curls up around himself. 

“Kazuki…” Yuuri murmurs softly in his sleep as a tear falls down his cheek.

When Victor makes a move to wipe the tear away, the omega flinches back instinctively as if sensing an imminent danger. His alpha backs away like a hurt puppy.

It was funny, how alphas are supposed to love and protect their omegas when Victor himself is the source of Yuuri’s distress. He’d hurt Yuuri. Hurt him with his words and hurt him with his inability to think of the consequences of his actions.

He pulls a blanket off the bed and drapes it over Yuuri. With his heart weighing heavy in his chest, Victor gets up from the bed and walks towards the door. When he looks back at Yuuri’s sleeping figure sadly, the words from the encounter with Phichit echo in his mind.

_‘Believe me, everyone I’ve helped always ended up regretting in the end of what they did instead of what they could have done.’_

Victor would fix things with him tomorrow. He has to.

* * *

 

Yuuri wakes up to the sound of a baby crying.

He immediately jolt up on the bed to comfort the source of the sound only to find the crib beside him devoid of any child. Yuuri takes his face in his hands as he breathes out a sad, heavy sigh. There was no way he’d ever get over the death of his own baby.

Not like this. Not when he constantly surrounds himself with things remind him of Kazuki.

Yuuri hoped, no believed that he was healing from the grief, moving on with life as he should and letting go of the past. For a short while, Yuuri was proud of himself. Happy, even, for making progress with his own life. Last night however, it was as if he was thrown back to square one as the wound in his heart rips apart just as it had begun healing.

Yuuri pulls his glasses on and swings his legs over the bed as heads out of the room and shuts the door behind him. When Yuuri arrives at the kitchen, he is greeted by the sight of Victor cooking. Bacon and pancakes, judging from the smell. When Victor notices his presence, his head perks up and turns around to look at him.

“Good morning, Yuuri.” Victor smiles at him sheepishly.

“Morning.” Yuuri rubs his eyes behind his glasses and seats himself before the dining table. “Why did you wake up so early?” Yuuri says tiredly. “You should still be asleep this hour. Don’t you have work to do today?”

“Yuuri, it’s Sunday,” Victor chuckles softly as he starts plating the breakfast.

“Oh.”

“Here you go.” Victor sets two plates of breakfast on the table before seating himself across Yuuri.

“Thank you.” Yuuri takes a fork and starts taking a bite of the food. They eat their breakfast together silently, the sound of utensils clinking against plates until Victor breaks the silence.

“Yuuri, about last night…”

Right. Last night. He and Victor fought last night and ended up having the kids worry about them. Yuuri’s hands still as he places his utensils on the side of his plate.

“I’m so sorry about what I said,” Victor says sadly. “I realized…I haven’t said the right things.”  
Yuuri lowers his head as he curls his fingers into tight fists.

“I shouldn’t have said that to you. I was supposed to support you, make you happy and stay by your side as you heal, and yet…” Victor pauses as purses his lips tightly. “All I did last night was hurt you.”

“There is no excuse for what I did,” he says quietly, the look in his eyes regretful and pensive. “You’re right, about what you said. Someone’s life, no matter how small, can never be replaced by another.”

When Yuuri opens his mouth to speak, his breath begins to catch in his throat.

“Victor…” Yuuri’s tears cloud his vision as they fall from his eyes in heavy drops. “I know you may not understand what it’s like to be a mother, but no matter what happens to their child, a mother will never love them any less or have them replaced.”

“It’s not that easy, Victor.” When he trembles as sobs wrack his body, Victor rushes to his side and wraps his arms around him tightly. Victor remains quiet as he listens to him and holds him close as he cries his heart out. “I see Kazuki everywhere.”

“I know, Yuuri,” Victor says soothingly as he presses a kiss to the crown of his head. “I may not understand what it’s like to be a mother but…” When Victor’s hold around him grows tight, Yuuri swears he could hear Victor’s breathing hitch. “I know what it’s like to grieve.”

“No one can replace the people we love, Victor,” Yuuri says as he buries his face against his chest, his scent warm and pleasant and familiar. “If by some circumstance, I die before you, you wouldn’t replace me would you?”

“No, Yuuri, I would never.” Victor’s shoulders shake as the both of them are reduced to a crying mess. “I’d never fall in love again.” Yuuri feels a pang of pain flow through their shared bond. 

“Do you understand now just how much it hurt me when you said that?” Yuuri takes Victor’s face in his hands, his fingers brushing away a tear as he looks into the depths of those pools.

“Yes…” Victor’s blue eyes overflow, tears falling down his face like little streamlets. “I’m so sorry, Yuuri…I hope you can forgive me.”

“Apology accepted.” Yuuri quirks his lips into a sad, faint smile. “I can’t exactly stay upset at you even if I wanted to.” He rubs his own tears away.

“Yuuri, I promise you…” Victor smiles back at him as he takes his hands in his tenderly. “This time, I will be patient and I’ll stay by your side and help you as you heal.” He presses his lips softly against the wedding band on his finger. “We can get through this together.”

“Thank you, Victor.” Yuuri closes the space between them and presses his smile against Victor’s. When Victor cups the side of his face and kisses him back, he throws his arms around him and feels his warmth flow through his body.

“Mama? Papa?” Mirai’s little head pops out of the doorway with Mirai. “Are you done fighting about the bills now?”

Yuuri pulls away from the kiss with a pop as a light blush dusts his cheeks and the bridge of his nose.

“That’s right,” Victor chuckles happily. “Mama and I managed to get the bills paid now!”

“What a relief,” Valentina sighs as she and Mirai walk towards them. “I rarely get to see you fight over something so it really throws us off sometimes.”

“We’re so sorry for scaring you, girls.” Yuuri gives his daughters apologetic pats on the head. “Papa and I just got a little carried away, that’s all.”

“You really had us worried,” Mirai looks at the both of them with big, soulful eyes. “We thought mama and papa were never going to get along again.”

“Oh, Mirai,” Victor laughs as he hoists his little girl up and carries him in his arms. “That will never happen.” He gives the tip of her cute little nose a poke. “And you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because your mama and I love each other very much. Isn’t that right, mama?” When Victor smiles at him sweetly, he feels his heart do a somersault inside his chest. It was strange, really, how quickly he could turn from being upset at Victor to love-struck in the matter of a few moments. What’s stranger still, is how quickly time seems to fly from the moment they first laid eyes on one another to the present they spend together.

“That’s right!” Yuuri giggles happily as he takes Valentina’s hand and leans over to give Victor a kiss on the cheek. “Your papa and I are soulmates,” he tells both of his girls with light and warmth in his eyes. “We can’t live without each other!”

“Wow, soulmates are real?!” Valentina exclaims in disbelief, her big bright eyes full of wonder. “I thought they were just some urban legend kids tell each other!”

“Oh, I used to think like that too,” Victor ruffles her dark hair affectionately. “But the moment I saw your mother dance on that stage…” Victor looks at him lovingly as his lips curve into what could only be described as the sweetest smile ever. “I knew he was going to be the person I would spend my entire life with.”

“Oh, stop it, Victor,” Yuuri giggles as he wipes a tear from his eye. “You’re making me cry.” _Again._

Mirai squeals in her father’s arms. “Mama and papa are so romantic! I want someone to fall in love with me just as much as the both of you love each other!”

“You will someday, my darling.” Victor gives her a little peck on the cheek. “I’m certain you will find your true love. You’re as beautiful as your mother, after all.”

“You give me too much, credit, Victor,” Yuuri laughs heartily as he leans his head against his shoulder.

“Yes, and I will never get tired of it,” he says proudly. “Anyway, why don’t we all eat breakfast? I’m sure you must be hungry.”

“Papa made breakfast today, so you better eat up before it gets cold!” Mirai hops off Victor’s arms and skitters excitedly towards the dining table with Valentina.

Victor and Yuuri share a warm, hearty laugh as they watch their two precious little gifts enjoy their breakfast and have fun. Yuuri loops his arms around Victor’s waist and pulls himself in closer as he nuzzles close to his chest.

He listens to the steady, quiet beating of his heart, the scent of his mate and husband cloaking him in warmth and love and safety.

“I love you, Yuuri.” Victor whispers softly as he brings his lips against his.

“I love you more.”

When Yuuri looks into his eyes, he sees the future. He sees the sky, boundless and infinite like the different paths their lives would take. Fifteen years ago, Yuuri was afraid of the future and what it held in store for him. Fifteen years later, the future stands right before him in the form of Victor Nikiforov-Katsuki.

“Mama, papa, what are you waiting?” Valentina calls out. “Let’s eat together!”

“We’re coming!”

Yuuri is not afraid anymore.

* * *

 

“Victor, are you sure this will go alright?” Yuuri looks at him nervously as they sit on a bench in the reception area. Victor could sense his anxiety through their bond as Yuuri grows more fidgety with each second that passes by.

“I’m sure it’ll be alright, Yuuri,” Victor places a hand on his to steady him. Victor feels his jittery nerves calm down through their bond as he breathes a sigh of relief. “I’m really happy that you agreed to do this with me,” he smiles at him sweetly.

“Well, I have to,” Yuuri breathes out a determined huff. “It’s part of the healing process, right?”

“That’s right.” Victor’s smile grows wider.

 There are no words to possibly describe just how proud he is of Yuuri to agree with going to therapy with him. Yuuri was hesitant at first when he first suggested the idea but Victor surprised him one day when he suddenly told him mid-conversation how he wanted to go to therapy with him.

When the receptionist calls for their names, Victor and Yuuri walk inside the room with their hands clutched tightly in one another’s. They are going to do this together. One step at a time.

“So what seems to be the problem?” Minako, the therapist, an omega, looks at them welcomingly as she sits on a couch across theirs in her spacious office.

When Victor turns to Yuuri, he worries his lower lip between his teeth silently as he picks at his nails—a nervous tic of his. When Victor opens his mouth to speak for him, Yuuri surprises him yet again when he breaks his silence.

“Five months ago, I just lost my baby, and…” Victor tightens his hold on Yuuri’s hand as he senses him trembling. “I just want to move on with my life.” He breathes out a heavy sigh. Victor wraps an arm around his waist and Yuuri leans in to his warmth as he rests his head against his shoulder.

“I understand,” Minako nods sadly. She empathizes with him. “Losing a child can be a very traumatic experience, especially for mothers.”

“It is,” Yuuri says softly as he wraps his arms around his stomach. “I still hold on to his things. I know that my baby is never coming back and yet I keep them believing that by some miracle, I can wake up to the sound of a child crying.” Victor feels it. He feels how Yuuri is trying so hard to keep himself together despite the pain he must be in. “It’s ridiculous, I know,” he laughs bitterly.

“No, it’s not ridiculous, Yuuri,” Minako tells him gently.  Something in her eyes tells him that she’d been through the same. “Everyone has their own ways of grieving. Coping with your grief is nothing to be ashamed about.”

Yuuri lowers his head as his eyes glisten with unshed tears. Victor cups his cheek gently and gives him a soft kiss to ease the storm in his heart. He smiles a thank you.

“How about you, Victor?” Minako looks at him now. “Can you tell me how you’ve been feeling?”

“Well…” Victor pauses for a while, trying to put all the thoughts in his mind into words.

He’d lived a bleak, hollow existence for three years despite the allure of his profession. He’d lost his family and the love his life only to get them back again. He witnessed Kazuki, whose death still weighed heavy in his heart even after seeing him die for the second time. There was the matter of time, there was the matter of how some things remained fixed in place and how others could be changed.

Victor sighs.

“Kazuki’s death was so sudden.” Sudden how he hadn’t expected the same outcome would happen again. “Yuuri and I were so excited to have a new addition to the family and…” When he glances to his side, Yuuri wipes a tear from his eye. “As a father, I hadn’t expected it would be so painful to lose a child.” His own eyes start to water now.

“What was more painful, though, is seeing how Yuuri blaming himself for what happened to Kazuki.” Yuuri tenses up visibly beside him, tears streaming down his face as he sighs deeply.  
 “It was no one’s fault.”

Yuuri places his hand atop Victor’s and gives it a tight squeeze.

“Sometimes…” Victor feels his heart grow tight as Yuuri’s emotions flow through their bond. “Sometimes, when I feel like I’m healing, like when I’m going the right way, I don’t deserve to feel any of that.” 

“Why do you think you don’t deserve to feel better?” Minako asks.

“Because Kazuki didn’t even get the chance to live. Let alone even feel anything.” Victor pulls Yuuri close to him. “I know I shouldn’t but…” Yuuri rubs his tears away. “I’m trying. I’m getting there, I think.”

“That’s good to know, Yuuri,” Minako smiles at him faintly. “Any progress is good progress. The fact that you do your best to heal despite the grief alone is proof enough of how strong you are.”

Victor feels his lips quirk up into a faint smile. He always loved it when people saw the strength he sees in Yuuri.

“What you’re doing is no easy task, Yuuri. You’re coming to terms with your own grief while taking care of your own children and being a good mate. That’s something that should be congratulated.”

When Victor sees the fog in Yuuri’s eyes clear up, he feels his own heart grow warm. He gives the love of his life a kiss on the cheek.

“See, Yuuri? I always told you you’re strong,” he chuckles and Yuuri gives a sweet little smile.

“I’ve never really thought of it that way, but…” A faint blush settles on the bridge of his nose. “Somehow, I think I’m ready to go with this at my own pace.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear.” Minako beams at him before her expression grows more solemn, the look in her eyes still soft. “But Yuuri, there is one thing I want to ask you.”

“Are you prepared to let Kazuki go?”

“I am,” Yuuri says with a determined fire in his eyes despite the grief. “I believe I will heal one step at a time. I have someone who loves me that will support me, after all.”

Even without him, Victor believes Yuuri could still get up on his own two feet. That’s just how strong he is. It makes Victor happy beyond words to see Yuuri realize his own strength and recognize just how beautiful he is.

Victor chuckles as he brushes the tips of their noses together before bringing him in for a kiss.

“And I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

 

“Are you sure you’re alright with this Yuuri?” Victor shoots him a concerned look as they put the last of Kazuki’s things away into boxes.

“Yes, Victor,” Yuuri says for the hundredth time with the same, unfaltering smile. “I’m sure.” He carefully folds all of Kazuki’s clothes and stores them away.

“Mama, why are we giving Kazuki’s stuff away?” Mirai pouts as she puts her brother’s toys into a box. “Won’t he need them?”

For a moment, Yuuri purses his lips and Victor immediately racks his brains to think of something to say to comfort him. But then, Yuuri smiles and pats his daughter on the head.

“I’m sure Kazuki won’t mind if we do,” he says gently. “There are people who also need these more, after all.”

“If you say so, mama.” Mirai smiles back at him and goes back to sorting stuff into boxes with Valentina.

Ever since he and Yuuri started going to therapy together, Yuuri has only started taking initiatives in allowing himself to let go and heal one step at a time. Victor couldn’t be any prouder of his mate for being so strong.

After they finish putting the last of Kazuki’s things into boxes, they put the boxes into the back of the car before driving off to the orphanage. As Victor turns the engine on, he looks to his side and sees Yuuri holding Kazuki’s stuffed seal in his hands. The look in his eyes are sad yet fond as he pats the toy’s little head gently, as if saying goodbye to Kazuki for the second time.

“Yuuri, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Victor,” Yuuri beams at him brightly. “I’ll be alright, I promise.”

“Alright.” Victor smiles back at him sweetly. He leans in towards the light and seals the space between them with a chaste kiss to the lips. “I’m so proud of you, Yuuri.”

When he cups the side of his face, a faint rush of color blooms on his cheeks.

“I couldn’t have done it without you, Victor,” he says softly before giving him a soft little peck.

“Mama and papa are so cute!” Valentina squeals from the back seat while her little sister makes a heart with her hand.

After their drive to the orphanage, everyone helps out in setting the display on tables for the children in to see. While arranging the things with Mirai and Valentina, Victor suddenly loses track of Yuuri.

“Have you seen your mama?” He asks his girls.

“Nope.” Valentina shakes her head as she arranges the toys on the table.

Victor leaves the girls on their own to take care of the arrangements for a bit as he goes around looking for Yuuri and asking if anyone had seem him around. When Victor passes by the nursery, he notices a familiar figure standing over a crib. When he walks towards the door to take a better look, he sees Yuuri laughing and smiling while waving the stuffed seal over a baby with outstretched arms.

“I’ve been looking for you.” Victor smiles at him as he walks towards Yuuri.

“Sorry, I just wanted to check the place out and got carried away,” Yuuri chuckles. “It’s sad, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“How these babies don’t have their parents to take care of them,” he sighs sadly despite smile on his face. “I’d take all of them home if I could.”

“Now that’s an idea,” Victor laughs to lighten up the mood.

The baby in the crib gurgles and smiles as he reaches for the flipper on the stuffed seal and puts it in his mouth.

“Mr. Nikiforov?” An orphanage staff sticks her head into the doorway.

“Nikiforov-Katsuki,” he corrects her gently.

“Well excuse me, Mr. Nikiforov-Katsuki but the children are ready now,” she says with a shy little smile. A bit star-struck, perhaps.

“Ah right, thank you.” The staff excuses herself with a quick little bow before showing Victor out. “Yuuri, let’s go. It’s time for the giveaway.”

When Yuuri doesn’t walk towards him, he turns around and sees him looking at the baby in the crib with that warm, protective motherly gaze. The baby grabs the stuffed seal with his little hands and coos softly while playing with the toy.

“Do you like the seal?” Yuuri leans in towards the crib as he makes funny faces at the baby. “Do you?” The baby coos and rolls over in his crib and laughs as Yuuri sticks his tongue out.

“Such a handsome boy,” Yuuri smiles at him brightly as he reaches out to give the baby’s cheek a little poke. “Take care of the seal, alright?” He brushes his fingers against the tiny tufts of hair on his head fondly. “It belonged to someone really special.”

“Wah!” The baby wraps his chubby little arms around the stuffed animal.

“Anyway, I have to go now, alright?” When Yuuri makes a move to step away from the crib, the baby makes a whining sound as if he wants Yuuri to stay and play with him a little more. Yuuri always had a way with children.

“Aww, don’t worry.” Yuuri leans over the crib as he gives his nose a gentle little boop. “I’ll come visit you again, I promise. And we’ll play lots and lots too.” The baby squeals when he wraps his tiny little hand around Yuuri’s finger. When Yuuri waves goodbye and walks towards the door, the orphanage worker steps inside the room to take care of the baby.

“Are you sure you’re alright with giving the toy to him?” He asks him. Yuuri seemed really attached to it, after all.

“Yeah, it’s alright.” Yuuri smiles at him faintly. “I figured it needed someone to play with after all,” he chuckles.

When they walk out of the door, the baby bursts out crying while reaching an outstretched arm towards Yuuri.

“Looks like someone really likes you,” Victor laughs as the caretaker tries to calm the baby down to no avail.

“Um? Mr. Katsuki-NIkiforov?” The staff looks troubled as she holds a screaming baby in her arms.

“I got this,” Yuuri chuckles and walks towards her to lend a hand. When he takes the baby in his arms, he immediately calms down and nuzzles up against Yuuri.

For the rest of the time spent in the orphanage doing the giveaway, Yuuri gives out stuff to the children lined up with one hand and balancing the baby against his arm with the other. If it were taken out of context, anyone would think that he and Victor had a new baby. Whenever the caretaker has to take the baby away for feeding, he would be inconsolable unless Yuuri is the one who holds the bottle for him.

“Mama, whose baby is that?” Mirai asks as she helps her mother out with handing clothes and toys to the orphan children.

“I don’t know,” he says with a sad smile while patting the baby on the back to burp him.

When the giveaway is over, Yuuri hands the baby back to the caretaker before cleaning things up.

“Thank you so much for your help,” the staff says while carrying a sleeping baby boy in her arms. With all that time spent in the giveaway, he must have tired himself out. “Normally, he’s such a handful but with you, he seems to be really enjoying himself!”

“Ah, it’s nothing, really,” Yuuri laughs as he joins Victor and the girls in packing stuff up. “I’m always happy to help.”

“Even more so when I get to play with such a sweet baby.” He smiles at the baby fondly as strokes his little hand gently with his finger. When the baby curls his hand around his finger, Yuuri’s eyes light up immediately. “But it’s so sad we have to go now. I had so much fun with you, you little cutie.”

The baby mumbles something babyish and turns around in the caretaker’s arms.

“Anyway, I better put him back in his crib now. Again, thank you so much!” When Yuuri slips his finger away, the baby curls his little hand into a fist. Then, the caretaker slips away from the function room and heads back to the nursery.

“You really had fun, didn’t you?” Victor smiles at him as he drives home.

“I did.” Yuuri smiles back as he strokes the hair of a sleeping Mirai on his lap. “I’m happy I did this with all of you.”

“Me too, Yuuri. I’m so proud of you,” he looks at him warmly. “I can’t say that enough.”

“I’m proud of me, too.” Victor feels a rush of pride and joy tingle through their shared bond. Yuuri is proud of himself. Knowing that alone made him happy that things are going to be alright.

When they get home, they arrive to Kazuki’s room empty of all his things with the exception of a framed picture of Yuuri’s ultrasound on a child’s nightstand.

“So much new memories to make here,” Yuuri sprawls out on the little bed with Victor and his sleepy daughters curling up against him.

“But what will we do with this room?” Valentina asks as she wraps her arms tightly around her papa.

“Hmm…I don’t know,” Victor says. “Maybe your mama and I will come up with something in the future.”

“Doesn’t it make you sad, though, mama?” Mirai pouts as she darts her eyes around the bare room. “Won’t you miss Kazuki’s stuff?”

“It does make me sad, but…” Yuuri sighs deeply and then curls his lips into what could only be described as the sweetest smile in existence. “I’ve got all of you right now. That alone is something I can be happy about.”

“I’ve got Mirai and Valentina and papa, after all.” He wraps his arms around the three of them and brings them in for a tight hug.

“Your mama is so strong.” Victor takes Yuuri’s face in his hands and brings himself in close to place a kiss on his lips. “Stronger than I could ever be.”

“You give me way too much credit, Victor.” Yuuri laughs as a faint dusting of pink spreads on his cheeks. “I couldn’t manage to be strong if it weren’t for all of you.”

“I want to be like you someday, mama,” Valentina sighs dreamily.

“I know you can.” He gives her head a little pat. “Or maybe even better than me.”

“Do you really think so?!” Her eyes light up brightly.

“Of course you can.” Yuuri gives his daughter a peck on the cheek. “I know you’ll do great things in life.”

After everyone has eaten dinner, all of them stay up past the girls’ bedtime to bond as a family by watching movies together in the living room, playing games together and just having fun in general with each other’s presence. Victor misses at least ten calls from Yakov in the midst of building a box fort with Mirai and Valentina while Yuuri plays the role of the dragon whose goal is to destroy the fortress. After both of the girls have tuckered out late into the night, Victor and Yuuri decide to call it a day.

Victor watches the moonlight filtering through the window dance against Yuuri’s features, a beautiful interplay of light and shadow against the contours of his face. His long eyelashes spread out like a dark fan as his hair glows an ethereal blue sheen against the light.

Even after thirteen years of marriage, Yuuri still manages to take his breath away. Victor only grows even more in love with his mate as the days go by, his beauty shining through his love and kindness. In times like this where pleasant thoughts keep him awake at night, he keeps thinking how grateful he is for the world for bringing them to each other.

Yuuri shifts in his sleep and nuzzles instinctively against the crook of Victor’s neck. He lets out a satisfied little purr when Victor wraps his arms around him and presses a kiss to his temple. So much has happened for the past seven months. There’s been grief, healing and acceptance.

Yuuri is strong. Victor found strength in him just as he found strength in him. This is what was missing from the previous timeline. Where Yuuri gave with no limits, Victor only received without ever giving anything back. Everything right now is as it should be. Phichit is probably congratulating him from where he’s watching him right now.

When sleep finally weighs heavy on his eyelids, Victor dreams of bright skies and an angel with warm brown eyes.

* * *

 

“Good luck on your day at work, Yuuri.” Victor gives him a kiss to the cheek before the both of them head to each other’s cars.

“You too, Victor,” Yuuri kisses him back. “Did you bring your lunch this time? I can’t deliver it to you anymore if you left it,” he laughs.

“Here it is!” Victor holds up a cloth-wrapped lunch box with a flourish. “I can’t possibly miss out on your delicious lunches!”

“I woke up at four in the morning just to marinate the meat in my secret blend of spices, after all,” he says proudly with a laugh.

“Mama, we’re going to be late for ballet class!” Valentina yells out from inside the car.

“Ah, Victor, we have to get going now.” Yuuri gives him a quick peck on the lips as he fishes the keys out of his pocket. He opens the door and slides himself into the driver’s seat. “You too!”

“Alright, Yuuri,” he chuckles as he opens the door to his own car and starts the engine. “I’ll see you later. Have fun in class!”

“Take care!” Yuuri waves at him before starting the car and driving to the kids’ ballet school. Victor follows behind them for a while before taking a turn at an intersection to head to the studio.

Today is Yuuri’s second week at work. After a few trips to Minako’s, Yuuri decided that it would be best if he went back to his dancing career. But this time, he would be teaching children how to dance ballet. He was a little rusty at first, being out of ballet for thirteen years. But with a little practice, however, he gained back his skills and finesse from when he was still twenty-three.

“Mama, I still can’t believe you’re our ballet teacher!” Mirai squeals excitedly in her new pink tutu. “Not only do I love ballet, but I also love you, mama!” When she wraps her little arms around his legs, Yuuri’s heart melts.

“Aww, and I love you too, Mirai.” He pats his daughter’s head lovingly before placing a kiss atop it. Yuuri and the girls put on their ballet shoes and get the studio ready for the day before the rest of the students come in. After a few minutes, Yuuri begins class and teaches the children how to do basic dance moves on the barre, his movements every bit as poised and graceful as the day he performed as a career.

“You’re doing great, everyone!” Yuuri cheers the students on as they practice simple dance moves in the studio. Each of these children would achieve their dreams in their own right. Not all of them may pursue dance as a future career, and yet Yuuri can’t help but feel warm by sharing his passion to others that may forge their own futures.

It hasn’t even been a month yet since he started teaching ballet and yet Yuuri became popular the moment a fan of his recognized him. Yuuri never knew he even had fans, for that matter.

“Yuuri, you’re still as great as ever!” Minami shrieks excitedly when Yuuri sits beside him for lunch. Minami Kenjiro is one of the ballet teachers. He’d been following Yuuri’s career since his earliest days up to the point he stopped dancing for thirteen years. “It’s been so long and yet your technique is still on point! And not to mention you already have children too!”

“Thank you,” Yuuri giggles between bites of his lunch. “My girls are such a handful,” he pats both of his daughters on the head. “I also figured I should get back to dancing even if it’s not what I got so used to before.”

“I’m so happy I finally get to see you dance again!” When Minami claps enthusiastically, Yuuri can’t help the flattered blush that spreads on his face. “And your girls, they’re so pretty! They really take after you!”

“That’s right!” Mirai says proudly as she stuffs her face. “Not only am I as pretty as mama, I’m just as good as him at dancing too!”

“Maybe even better.” Yuuri smiles at her fondly before giving his daughter a peck to the cheek.

After lunch, Yuuri is given the task to orient the students for a dance recital two weeks from now. Most of his students are excited to finally perform in front of an audience. Mirai, especially, was enthusiastic about wanting to show off her new moves onstage. Others, however, not so much. One student in particular, a little boy named Mark couldn’t get one of the moves right. The poor boy would trip over and lose his balance every time he tried to dance on his tiptoes. He tries again and again to perfect the move and eventually grows frustrated when he couldn’t do it. When Mark bursts out crying and storms out of the dance hall, Yuuri excuses himself from the class and runs after him.

“Wait, Mark!” Yuuri tries to catch up to his student but he runs too fast for Yuuri to catch up to. He loses sight of him for a while and after spending some time looking around for him, he finds the little boy crying and curled up into a ball in the janitor’s closet.

“Mark?” Yuuri calls out to him softly as he opens the door. Mark looks absolutely miserable. His eyes are red and puffy and there is snot running down his nose.

“What do you want?” Mark sniffles as he wipes the tears and snot running down his face. “Leave me alone.”

“I just want to help you Mark.” Yuuri smiles at him tenderly. “I know how much you want to dance onstage.”

“How am I supposed to do that when I can’t even do that move right?” When he sobs loudly, Yuuri wraps his arms tightly around the little boy in hopes of calming him down. “I just wanted to make my mama proud…”

“And I’m sure you will,” he tells him softly. “I know that with just a little practice, you’re bound to do great in the recital.”

“B-But, I kept practicing a while ago and yet…” Mark curls his hands into fists against Yuuri’s shirt. “I still couldn’t do it.”

“Sometimes, people need a little more time to learn things and that’s alright.” He strokes his hair gently as Mark wipes his tears against his shirt. “I’ll tell you what, do you want to stay behind a bit after class and practice with me?”

“Really?” When the little boy’s eyes brighten up, Yuuri feels his heart surge with joy. “You’d do that?”

“Of course. I’m always happy to help.” Yuuri chuckles when Mark curls his lips into a sweet little smile.

After ballet class is over for the day, Yuuri, Mark, Mirai and Valentina linger around the dance studio for a bit. The girls watch their mother dance and do figures on the barre as he teaches Mark the basic steps for the dance recital. Mark mimics his teacher’s movements as they check their positions in front of the mirror as Yuuri goes over each step in as much detail as he can, not moving on to the next step until Mark is sure that he can do it.

When the sun starts to set outside, they haven’t even finished going over the dance moves yet. At some point, Mirai and Valentina begin wandering outside the studio to look for cats. Yuuri begins to feel the fatigue in his muscles from standing up for too long in various dance positions. Either it was the energy that children naturally have or it was just his age speaking.

“Mark, are you sure you don’t want to continue this tomorrow?” He gives his student a concerned look as he senses his tiredness. It’s amazing how he hasn’t even tired out yet from two hours of non-stop practice.

“Please give me a little more time,” the boy furrows his brows in concentration as he checks the position of his extended arm and leg on the barre. “I want to catch up with everyone.”

“Mark,” Yuuri sighs as he places his hands gently on his shoulders. “I think there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be good but I think you should really get some rest.” He smiles at him faintly.

“But…” His shoulders deflate as he breathes out a dejected sigh. “If I can’t catch up, then I won’t be as good as the rest.”

“It’s not about a matter of catching up to the rest,” Yuuri begins softly. “It’s how you’re pushing yourself too hard. You should always remember to take care of yourself too.” Yuuri can’t help the maternal instinct that kicks in. It’s in moments like these when Yuuri is grateful he was born an omega.

“Besides, there’s no need to rush things. I can always teach you whatever you need whenever you need me to.”

“I understand.” Mark nods softly. “I’m sorry,” he breathes out a sigh. “I must have really tired you out.”

“Kind of,” Yuuri laughs. “I’m not as young as I look, after all,” Yuuri replies in jest. “Anyway, is somebody picking you up today? It’s already kind of late.”

“Yeah, my mama is picking me up.” He smiles at Yuuri faintly.

“Wanna wait up with me and the girls?”

“Sure!” A faint blush spreads across the boy’s cheeks as he smiles at him brightly.

They wait outside the studio while Mirai and Valentina play games with Mark. When Mark’s mother comes to pick him up, the three of them see him off as they wave goodbye.

“Looks like you had a great day,” Victor comments happily as he notices the bright smile on Yuuri’s face.

“I did.” Yuuri wraps his arms around his husband and nuzzles up against the crook of his neck as he pulls the covers over them. “It’s nice sharing something I love doing to others.”

“I’m so happy for you, my love,” Victor gives him a soft kiss against his head. “You’re so strong and beautiful.”

And for once, Yuuri believes that he is.

 

“Mama, how do I look?” Mirai gives a little twirl in her white tutu.

“You look amazing, darling!” Yuuri gives her a kiss on the cheek.

“Is Valentina going to be okay sitting by the audience?” Mirai frowns. Valentina had to stay behind in the audience with her papa because she sprained her ankle during practice the other day. Valentina was upset at first at how he she can’t dance onstage but quickly recovered once swayed with the tempting allure of ice cream.

“Valentina is going to be alright.” He smiles at her reassuringly. “See?” Yuuri peeks out from behind the curtains and shows her Valentina sitting on her father’s lap while enjoying an ice cream cone.

“Alright.” Mirai giggles brightly.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special presentation for all of you today,” the announcer’s voice says over the sound system.

“Places, everyone!” Yuuri’s students immediately get into position. Mark looks absolutely giddy to be dancing onstage.

“Please give a round of applause for Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov and his students, representing The Aria Dance Studio!” After the audience erupts into applause, the curtain raises and Yuuri steps onto the stage with his students following behind him. When the tinny first notes of the song trickle out the speakers, Yuuri starts dancing, his footwork light and airy as the children follow his steps. Throughout the entire performance, Yuuri locks his eyes with his husband in the audience, the warmth of his gaze coursing through his body as he danced on the stage. When the performance is over, the audience erupts into applause as they give the audience a bow.

“Yuuri, Mirai, you were all so amazing!” Victor wraps his arms around them tightly, his lips curling into that adorable heart-shaped smile of his.

“Too bad I wasn’t in there,” Valentina laughs from her seat. “It would’ve been even more amazing.”

“Papa, papa, did you see how I did that jump?” Mirai jumps up and down enthusiastically as she tugs at her father’s shirt.

“How can I not?” Victor picks Mirai up and gives her cheek a little kiss. “I couldn’t keep my eyes off you and your mama!”

Valentina nods. “Mama looked so beautiful dancing,” she sighs dreamily. “Papa wouldn’t stop smiling. He almost cried, even.”

“That’s true,” Victor chuckles as a light blush dusts the tip of his nose. “It really brought back memories of when I first saw you dance.”

“Me too,” Yuuri giggles softly. “I wish you girls could have seen it.”

“Umm…excuse me…?” When Yuuri feels someone tug at his costume, he turns around and sees a red-faced Mark clutching something in his hands.

“Oh, hey there, Mark.” When Yuuri smiles at him, the boy’s face seems to grow redder. “You did really great out there!”

“Y-Yeah,” he mumbles. “I-I wouldn’t have done it without you.” He curls his lips into a shy little smile.  
“A-Anyway, I wanted to give you this!” Mark pushes a rose and a card towards Yuuri’s direction before storming off to his mother.

Feeling a bit confused, Yuuri opens the card and sees a picture of him and Mark drawn in crayon with hearts all around on the left flap. On the right was a message that read:

_“Dear Mr. Katsuki_

_Thank you so much for cheering after me and for helping me catch up with the dance lessons. I keep looking forward to every practice session with you because it’s so fun. I think you’re very kind and beautiful._

_-Mark”_

Yuuri can’t help the little thing his heart does with how adorable his student’s gesture is.

“Looks like someone likes you,” Victor chuckles behind Yuuri’s shoulder. “I knew it. You’re much too beautiful to be kept on this planet!” he snaps his fingers in jest.

“Let me see!” Mirai raises her little arms up and Yuuri hands her the card. While reading, the little girl erupts into a gasp. “Mark likes mama! But papa likes mama too! Are you jealous, papa?”

“Maybe a little bit,” Victor laughs. “Your mama is too beautiful after all.”

“It’s not his fault if he’s beautiful,” Valentina says proudly. “Maybe papa should watch his back. Someone might steal mama away if you’re not careful.”

Victor gasps. “She’s right!” He wraps his arms tightly around Yuuri from behind and gives his cheek a little kiss. “I’m keeping you around me at all times.” He purrs against the crook of his neck.

“But then again, what your student did was adorable,” he laughs. “Yuuri is just that beautiful!”

Everyone save for Yuuri nods in agreement as he laughs brightly while the compliments only pile up on top of one another.

Yuuri goes home that day with a sense of fulfillment and the knowledge that his student has a crush on him. He keeps the rose in a vase in the living room and sticks the hand-written card on the fridge.

* * *

 

“Good afternoon, Kazuki,” Yuuri settles himself down with a smile as he places some flowers on his headstone. “I’m so sorry if I haven’t visited in a while. Mama was so busy, you see,” he chuckles. “I hope you weren’t sad while I was gone.”

“Did you know your mama went back to dancing?” Victor says enthusiastically as he places his hand atop Yuuri’s. “He’s Valentina and Mirai’s ballet teacher now! They even did a performance last week, you should have seen it! Your mama looked so beautiful.”

“Papa still can’t get over it until now,” he chuckles. When the sun shines against Yuuri’s face, the brown of his earthy eyes glow golden.

“It’s like I fell in love with your mama all over again,” Victor sighs and wraps his arms around Yuuri before giving him a kiss on the cheek. “And did you know his student had a crush on him?”

“I think your papa is still jealous about him” Yuuri’s body trembles brightly with laughter. “I think you’d like Mark, Kazuki. He’s such a nice boy.”

“You know, Kazuki…” Yuuri smiles sadly as he runs his fingers gently against the name on the headstone. “There’s not one day that I don’t miss you.”

 “We were so sad to see you go.” Victor runs a comforting hand against Yuuri’s hair as he leans against his shoulder. “Your mama and I fought and there were a lot of tears, but then…”

Yuuri looks at him fondly, the depths of his brown eyes holding all the warmth in the world.

“We figured you would rather see us happy.” Victor chuckles. “We wouldn’t want to make you sad from where you’re watching us right now.”

 “That’s right.” Yuuri smiles lovingly at him. “I’ve never felt better thanks to everyone’s help.” He gives Victor a peck on the cheek. “I wouldn’t have felt like myself again if it wasn’t for you, papa, Mirai and Valentina.”

“We miss you, Kazuki.” Yuuri runs his fingers against the granite fondly, his eyes heavy with unshed tears. “Even though I didn’t get the chance to see you grow, I will always be your mama.” He curls his lips into a sad little smile.

“I may have carried you inside me for nine months but I will always carry you in my heart forever.” When a tear runs down his cheek, it was as if gold fell from his eyes.

 

When Victor enters the room, it’s to the sight of Yuuri dressed in black lacy lingerie reclining against the bed.

“Good evening, husband,” Yuuri curls his lips into a coy smirk as he gives him a flirtatious wink.

“Y-Yuuri?” Victor starts feeling a little hot under the collar. Well this was unexpected. Not that he didn’t like it, just unexpected. “I-Is there something I should be remembering today?”

Yuuri gives a thoughtful hum as he hops off the bed and wraps his arms loosely around Victor’s neck. “Not much,” he chuckles. “I just wanted to surprise you today.”

“Well, it worked,” Victor says breathlessly as though the air from his lungs were knocked out the moment he stepped into the room. His alpha practically goes wild inside him at the prospect of any sexual contact after being deprived of it for so long. But Victor is a patient man. He will see things out as Yuuri wants. The anticipation is only half the fun, after all.

“I wanted to make it up to you for…” Yuuri blushes despite the lingerie. “You know,” he chuckles.

“Oh Yuuri,” Victor sighs as he takes in the sight of a heavenly deity right before him dressed in lingerie that left nothing to the imagination. Said heavenly deity is also nuzzling up to the crook of his neck while purring. “But…are you sure about this?”

“Don’t you think you’ve waited long enough, Victor?” Yuuri drawls out low and husky against his ear, sending a tingle up his spine. There was no telling of the things he imagined doing to Yuuri.

“Besides…” Yuuri smiles at him sweetly. “I wanted to celebrate.” How does Yuuri manage to be cute and sexy at the same time? How he does this, Victor will never know.

“For us getting through it together.” When Yuuri holds his face tenderly, Victor can see the love in his eyes reflected back at him. “I never would have gotten through it without you.”

“You never would have gotten it without y _ou,_ either.”

When their lips press together, Victor’s heart explodes with the force of the comet crashing against the surface of the world. Then the world kisses him back. Victor’s runs his hands against the vast expanse his skin, each fingertip mapping the outline of a constellation. When both of them are on the bed, their shared passion grows hotter and headier as the scent of vanilla and cinnamon tangle in a feverish dance. Victor kisses a trail from his neck and down to his exposed chest, marking every star and galaxy on his skin like a prayer.

“Victor…” Yuuri’s pupils blow out wide with love and desire as his own panties grow wet with slick. When the scent hits his nose, the alpha inside him growls with the need to make his omega feel good. His pants begin to grow unbearably tight now.

“Can I?” Victor tugs at the tiny strap holding the panties together.

“Yes,” Yuuri breathes out.

When Victor tugs his panties down, he earns a little shiver from Yuuri when he buries himself immediately between his thighs. He runs a wet stripe against his folds, his sweet slick gushing like a waterfall against his mouth. Yuuri’s muscles tense up as Victor dips his tongue past his entrance before running his lick up his red, dripping length. When he swirls the tip of his tongue against the head, Yuuri locks Victor’s head between his thighs, keeping him in place. Victor wouldn’t mind being stuck there forever before meeting his ultimate demise between the thighs of a deity.

“S-Stop teasing, Victor…” Yuuri whimpers out as the room fills with his soft, breathy moaning. His length disappears past his lips as he bobs his head up and down, stroking Yuuri with his mouth as his fingers scissor inside him. “P-Please…”

Deciding to spare him from further torture, Victor slides his cocklet out of his mouth with a wet, obscene pop as he pulls his fingers out. He cannot contain the all the desire and anticipation building up inside him. Not when the universe is writhing on the bed and gazing at him with those hooded eyes of his. Victor’s clothes come off just as quickly as he’d put them on in the morning. Wherever they landed off to, Victor couldn’t care enough when Yuuri parts his legs open.

Victor takes his time to admire the contour of his body, every valley, mountain and plain going altogether to form the world that is Yuuri. He runs his hands against his skin like a sinner in church praying to the image of the divine, every breath that leaves his lips a song of praise to the only being he will ever worship.

When Victor plunges into him, he drowns in his warmth as his heat melt them together. Victor and Yuuri become one, lost in the throes of love and passion as every atom in their bodies fuse into one to form something entirely new. The world is ambiguous. There is no up and down nor left and right in this world, no direction to point him to his destination when there is only Yuuri.  

_Yuuri—_

_Yuuri who gave his existence meaning, Yuuri who changed him, Yuuri who gave him life._

Victor drinks in his breath like a dying man in a desert, his hands tingling with electricity with every square inch of skin touched. The look in his eyes burn bright like a supernova, the vivid explosion of light and color reaching his heart from light-years away. There could be no world. There could be no time, there could be no space and there could be no existence and Victor wouldn’t wrench himself apart from him when Yuuri is his everything in all this nothingness.

Yuuri holds on to him, embraces him tightly and locks his body against him as the flames of passion burn higher. Even if the world is on fire, Victor would rather burn in his arms than tear himself away. Victor hangs at the edge of climax, with only a finger tethering him to reality. He lets go and lets the waves beneath claim him. When Yuuri follows after him into the depths, he sees stars in his head as his vision fills with bright white light. When he breaks the surface, Victor tastes the breath of life as he takes Yuuri’s lips against his. 

Yuuri wraps his arms tightly around him, the scent of sweat and passion mingling together as the sound of their breathing fill the room. Yuuri runs his fingers against the side of his face, his touch light and tender as Victor sinks into the depths of those brown eyes.

“I love you,” he whispers softly.

“More than anything in this world.”

“You _are_ my world.”

Yuuri smiles, and Victor presses his lips against his as he succumbs to the gravity of the world. Yuuri kisses him back, his fingers carding gently through his hair as they breathe in each other’s breaths. Yuuri’s eyes glitter golden against the dim of the light and Victor is a mere mortal in the arms of a god.

The two of them stay still, a perfect snapshot among millions of moments stretching out infinitely throughout time. Time could still its course and Victor wouldn’t care, not when he can spend an eternity in Yuuri’s arms.

When looking up at the sky on a sunny day, it always hurt to look at the sun, its light harsh and glaring and searing into his retinas as the sweltering summer heat beats against his skin. Victor would have never thought the sun had eyes he could fall into and a heart that gave ceaselessly without asking for anything in return.

Yuuri kisses him again.

On a dark cloudy night, a mortal man meets his fiery end on the surface of the sun.

 

 

_From: Phichit_

_You’re in for a surprise today! Look forward to it! :’D_

 

Victor stares at the text message a second time, contemplating what Phichit could ever mean. Ever since their mysterious meeting in the bar almost eight months ago, Victor could only wonder as to who or what he could ever be. Phichit hadn’t said a word since or texted him until just now. After turning the thought over in his mind over and over however, Victor eventually came to accept that there are just things in the world that remain mysterious. Phichit is just one of them.

Placing his phone back on the countertop, Victor puts on his oven mitts and takes some baked buns out the oven. When he places the buns out on a rack to cool, Yuuri steps into the kitchen looking nervous with his hands behind his back.

“Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah…” he smiles at him sheepishly as a blush dusts over his cheeks. Victor can’t help but notice that he’s shaking slightly. “It’s just…” Yuuri breathes out a sigh and straightens his shoulders. He brings his hands forward and holds out what looks to be a pregnancy test. Two lines.

When the facts sink into his mind, Victor is left speechless standing in front of him.

“A-Are you upset…?” Yuuri’s lips tremble noticeably when Victor doesn’t say anything.

“My love, I’m so happy!” He smiles at him brightly. “Yuuri, this is wonderful news!” He wraps his arms around him tightly and noses against his bond mark. “But…how about you? Are _you_ upset?”

“I’m actually really excited…” Yuuri curls his lips into a faint little smile. “But at the same time I’m kind of nervous.”

“Are you scared?”

“No, I’m terrified,” Yuuri laughs and hugs Victor tightly. “I just…” He sighs, his shoulders deflating as the look in his eyes gets clouded over by worry. “I’m just afraid that the same thing that happed before will happen again.”

 “I don’t think I can handle something like that again.” Victor runs his fingers soothingly against his hair when he senses his unease. “To be honest, I didn’t really expect this.” Yuuri lets out a little chuckle.

“Me neither.” Victor gives him a little kiss to the forehead. “But you don’t have to be afraid anymore.” When he hoists him up into the air, Yuuri lets out a little yelp of surprise. “Not when I’m always right by your side.” Yuuri cups his face and presses his lips against his when Victor carries him against his body. He pulls away from the kiss giggling as he wraps his legs around Victor’s waist.

“I guess you’re right.” When Yuuri erupts into laughter, an entire chorus of angels descend upon him. “We’ll take things as they come. And I know they’re bound to be wonderful with you and the girls.” Yuuri wraps his arms around his neck and brings himself in closer for another kiss.

“Mama, papa?” Mirai peeks her head into the kitchen with Valentina walking behind her. “Did something happen?”

“Why is mama clinging to papa like that?” Valentina points out.

“Well.” Victor sets Yuuri down and wraps his arms around his waist giddily. “Mama is having a new baby!”

The look on the girls’ face are absolutely priceless.

“Really?!” Mirai jumps up and down in place. “Is it a boy or a girl?!” Mirai asks with bright, curious eyes while Valentina eyes at her mother’s stomach curiously.

“I don’t know,” Yuuri laughs. “I found out just a while ago!”

“That’s so cool!” Mirai wraps her little arms tightly around her mama’s middle. “I can’t wait to meet them!” She buries her face against his stomach before giving it a little kiss. “I’m finally going to be a big sister again!”

“Yes, you are, darling,” Yuuri ruffles her silver hair gently as he practically radiates with warmth and love. “It’s a bit scary but I know all you are going to support me.” The ground beneath Victor’s feet crumbles when he smiles. “Right?”

“Of course, my love,” Victor wraps his arms tightly around Yuuri. When he gives him a big kiss on the lips, the girls squeal in delight. “You don’t have to be scared anymore.”

“We’ll be with you every step of the way, my love.”

 

Victor can remember the instances his breath is taken away.

First was when he had his first kiss as a teenager, second was when he fell face-first into a pool and the third is whenever he wraps his head around how he managed to spend a significant portion of his life without having Yuuri in it. 

It’s been seven months now since Yuuri found out he was pregnant and yet he is still every bit as graceful on the dance floor. Despite having three children, Victor still can’t wrap his head around how Yuuri manages with it.

 _‘Alphas have it easy,’_ Yuuri would mumble over and over again like a mantra when he can’t reach his feet to put his shoes on or when he looks at himself in the mirror and look at his ever-growing collection of stretch marks.

With one hand on the barre and the other raised and his leg stretched out behind him as he arches his back into a curve, Yuuri is an image of absolute strength and beauty. When Yuuri notices him watching, he lets go of the barre and walks towards him.

“I didn’t see you there.” Yuuri smiles at him before leaning up to give him a peck. “You should have said something.”

“I didn’t want to disturb you.” He smiles back at him. “I thought you looked really beautiful.”

A faint pink blooms on his cheeks as he chuckles. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough for my breath to leave my lungs.” When Yuuri gives him a playful swat, the both of them erupt into pure laughter.

“Do you want to dance with me or do you want to just stand there?” Yuuri wraps his arms around his neck as he sways himself from side to side.

“I don’t know.” Victor hums thoughtfully. “Will I get a kiss in return?”

When Yuuri cups his cheeks tightly and gives him a big kiss on the lips, Victor short-circuits. When he pulls away, the world slowly comes into focus, his bright brown eyes warm and tender like a sliver of sunbeam on a gray cloudy day.

“You can have as many as you want.” Yuuri gives him another kiss for good measure.

“Sounds like a great deal.”

When Yuuri takes his hand and pulls him into the dance floor, the both of them erupt into a happy, musical laughter. Yuuri sways from side to side, his hand steady against Victor’s waist as he leads the way. Victor was never much of a dancer after all.

Every time he stepped on the dance floor it was as if he had two left feet and yet Yuuri loved him all the same. Loved him and his awkward dancing, his faults, his imperfections and all his flaws. Victor wonders how he’d been so stupid to let someone as beautiful as him slip away from him.

Victor wraps his arms tightly around him. He embraces him tightly, lets the warmth of his body sink into his bones as the sounds of a new life beat quietly between them.

Yuuri. Courage to win.

Yuuri’s parents gave him a beautiful name that he continues to live up to. He won Victor’s heart, won him the moment they laid eyes on one another on that fateful evening in that charity dance, won the heart of many others whose lives he’d touched with his warmth and kindness, won the love of his children and all the people around him and won against his grief when life took someone dear to him.

Yuuri is the embodiment of courage. Yuuri never ceased, never for once back down no matter how difficult the problems in his life may be. Yuuri is the love of his life. He is strength, he is beauty, he is courage, he is the world.

Yuuri looks up towards him, his lashes a dark fan over the brown pools Victor sinks into. When Victor brings his hands up to caress his cheeks, he presses his lips against the cosmos itself. When a few stars have swirled into existence in the nebulas of his heart, he drowns himself in his warmth and love.

“I know what to name her now,” Yuuri whispers with a smile as their lips are barely centimeters apart. “Miyuu.”

“Miyuu,” Victor repeats after him, feels the way each syllable rolls in his tongue like turning over something precious in his hand. “What a beautiful name.” Victor peppers his face with kisses and Yuuri blooms pink all the way to his neck as he giggles.

Then Victor gets on his knees and rolls the hem of Yuuri’s shirt up to expose his round tummy before pressing a kiss against the raised marks that littered the canvas of his skin.

“Miyuu.” Victor runs his hand against his skin lovingly, his heart overcome with love for his unborn daughter. “We’re so excited to see you,” he gives Yuuri’s tummy a kiss.

“That’s right,” Yuuri chuckles sweetly, his eyes looking at them with an affectionate warmth as he pats his stomach. “I bet you’re going to be such a sweet little girl. Whatever you choose to be in life, we will always love you.”

“And I know you’re going to be just as brave and beautiful as your mama too.” Victor’s heart overflows with love when he feels the baby’s tiny foot kick against his hand.

Victor looks out of the window and sees a flash of huge, white wings flapping in the wind.

The moment he signed up to that strange website, his life had never been the same, never back to the way it was. Instead, his life is as it should be with his family and the love of his life right by his side. Grief took everything away from him. Took Kazuki away, took his family away and took Yuuri away because of his own actions and yet just as it took so much from him, it gave in equal measure. It brought back his world, his purpose, his life and his love.

When Victor presses his ear against his stomach, he hears the sound of a heart beating.

 

* * *

 

On a bright sunny afternoon, Miyuu opens her eyes for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.Miyuu- 美勇, beautiful courage
> 
> FInally, it's the last chapter!  
> Thank you so much for sticking with me to the end! Sorry if the updates were spread out! School had me juggling deadlines left and right.  
> If you liked what you read, please leave a kudos and a comment! :D <3
> 
> Anyway, if you want to find me, I'm always on Twitter [@chattoyant_zee](http://twitter.com/chattoyant_zee)


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